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We were asked to do an internal video for a large corporate to show how the company wants a dynamic...

Clients from Hell - 3 July 2018 - 1:40pm

We were asked to do an internal video for a large corporate to show how the company wants a dynamic team.

Client: The video definitely can’t showcase any of our people or the office itself. I thought we should have some clips from Martin Luther King, Bill Gates and a couple of other big names.

Me: Ok, so none of your staff are to be in it, understood.

Client: Well there obviously needs to be some of the staff in it, 7-8 at least. I thought you guys were experts!

Client: We want you to do a video for our new brand. We need two separate edits for social and the...

Clients from Hell - 2 July 2018 - 3:20pm

Client: We want you to do a video for our new brand. We need two separate edits for social and the website.

Me: Okay great, can you send a creative brief with more detail and we’ll give you a quote.

Client: We just want it to tell the story of the brand.

Me: We’re going to need more detail than that. Do you have a deadline or timeframe for the project?

Client: Well the brand launches next week so we need it for then.

We’re a social media agency and have taken on a new client with very impatient board members who...

Clients from Hell - 2 July 2018 - 1:40pm

We’re a social media agency and have taken on a new client with very impatient board members who want instant results.

Me: Don’t buy followers and likes for your social media because if you get caught your account will be penalised or even deleted, and our social media reporting will be skewed.

Client *goes ahead and buys followers and likes across all of their channels*

Me: Whyyyyyyy?

Client: Oh, you were serious?

50 Custom clear labels for only $9, with free shipping!

Clients from Hell - 1 July 2018 - 3:20pm

This week’s deal is on 50 custom clear stickers for only $9.

> This one is GOING TO SELL OUT. Get yours fast. 

We recently featured a sale on vinyl stickers from Stickermule and it sold out in something like half a day. That’s because Stickermule offers a great product: stickers cut to your custom design. These are printed on premium clear material with a UV finish so your stickers won’t fade, and are great for branding products, personal items and more! I’m considering labelling the jars in my cupboard with STYLE. Even better? If you live in the US, Canada or the EU, shipping is completely free.

Normally, 50 clear stickers from Stickermule would cost $65, but if you act fast you can save 86% and get them only $9. This offer is only around for an extremely limited time frame. I suggest getting it out and figuring out your project later.

> Check out the deal here.

A client sent me images to put on their website. One of the images was the front of a house and...

Clients from Hell - 1 July 2018 - 1:40pm

A client sent me images to put on their website. One of the images was the front of a house and yard

Client: Can you turn this around, to show the backyard?

Me: No. It doesn’t work that way.

Client: You just don’t want to even try do you! 

Me: You can’t turn a picture around to show something that isn’t there. 

Client: It is very easy! You just turn the picture around to show the backyard!

Me:

Unfortunately, this isn’t the only client who has asked me to do this.

Client: I am a developer, so I understand how this works.Me: Oh ok… So how would you like the footer...

Clients from Hell - 30 June 2018 - 3:20pm

Client: I am a developer, so I understand how this works.

Me: Oh ok… So how would you like the footer to look? What would you like to include?

Client: What’s a footer?

Me: I am going to need your Twitter address in order to set up your Twitter feed on your...

Clients from Hell - 30 June 2018 - 1:40pm

Me: I am going to need your Twitter address in order to set up your Twitter feed on your website.

Client: www.twitter.com 

While working on an e-commerce site design:Client: All of my models are white, so I hired some...

Clients from Hell - 29 June 2018 - 3:20pm

While working on an e-commerce site design:

Client: All of my models are white, so I hired some colored girls to model my clothes.

Me: Uh…

Client: I don’t want anyone to think I am racist.

Me: Yeah. I am sure this will fix that for sure.

My client sent me two files and asked me to overlay one on top of the other. One was the border of...

Clients from Hell - 29 June 2018 - 1:40pm

My client sent me two files and asked me to overlay one on top of the other. One was the border of our state and the other was cursive lowercase text. Both were flat bitmaps.

I sent back the combined design.

Client: I don’t like the font choice, and that the text should be capitalized.

…?

“Boss would NEVER do anything wrong. They’re boss!”Also, is this...

Clients from Hell - 28 June 2018 - 7:23pm


“Boss would NEVER do anything wrong. They’re boss!”

Also, is this the right spelling for “schmopyright?”

Original story here: https://clientsfromhell.net/post/385675817/client-we-need-our-ad-to-look-exactly-like-the

I sent a home page demo for review.Client: On my phone, I think it’s a problem as you can’t read the...

Clients from Hell - 28 June 2018 - 3:20pm

I sent a home page demo for review.

Client: On my phone, I think it’s a problem as you can’t read the writing and some of the titles are superimposed

Me: Could you send a screenshot so I can see the issue?

Client: No problem, here it is in portrait…

He sends a hyperlink to the website.

Client: And here it is in landscape

Sends exactly the same link.

I’m currently working with a regular client who sends me work to ghostwrite five days a week....

Clients from Hell - 28 June 2018 - 1:40pm

I’m currently working with a regular client who sends me work to ghostwrite five days a week. Occasionally, he is a bit unusual with his requests. 

Client: You didn’t put in the keywords for these two articles 

Me: Yes, they’re slightly altered for grammar and spelling but they’re there.

Client: They’re altered because you did not highlight them and now the editor changed them. Change them back and highlight them.

Me: I’m happy to do that but they’ll be grammatically incorrect again.

Client: That’s fine. Thanks.

FYI, I absolutely must include the keywords as they’re sent to me, regardless of the way they’re sent, and the editor will often alter them afterwards. A well-written and edited article was suddenly filled with three separate instances of grammatical errors. 

"Website will need to function and look very much like www.apple.com. LOOK AND STUDY apple.com. Our..."

Clients from Hell - 27 June 2018 - 3:20pm
“Website will need to function and look very much like www.apple.com. LOOK AND STUDY apple.com. Our site must (MUST) operate, function, and look very much like this site on both mobile & desktop. We DO NOT WANT TO COPY apple, but make site identical.”

A local university wanted a logo designed for a new student food outlet selling sandwiches, fruit,...

Clients from Hell - 27 June 2018 - 1:40pm

A local university wanted a logo designed for a new student food outlet selling sandwiches, fruit, salads etc on campus. They sent my agency a mood board to give us an idea of what they were going for. And by “mood board” I mean “a text description of a mood board in list form.” I quote:

Client: - Cast of ‘Glee’ - mix of all people

- Paddy McGuiness

- Road Runner - energy

- Yogi Bear - likes sandwiches

- ‘Friends’ the early years - social space

- Like B&Q, but better

- Jamie Oliver - Grab n go, bish bash bosh, healthy, trusted

- Ronseal - does exactly what it says on the tin

- Aldi adverts - compare two products in a fun way

- Morrsions adverts - supermarket trolley pushed by a celebrity.

Suffice to say, we didn’t submit a design. 

Canal Charity brings volunteering event to the Uttoxeter Canal

CUCT News - 27 June 2018 - 12:23am

Waterway Recovery Group, part of the national waterway charity The Inland Waterways Association, has kicked off its second year of family orientated volunteering weekends with an event on the Uttoxeter Canal.  Hosted by the Caldon & Uttoxeter Canals Trust, the weekend event took place on 9th & 10th June around the Crumpwood area of the canal, near Denstone. 

Canal Charity brings volunteering event to the Uttoxeter Canal

CUCT News - 27 June 2018 - 12:23am

Waterway Recovery Group, part of the national waterway charity The Inland Waterways Association, has kicked off its second year of family orientated volunteering weekends with an event on the Uttoxeter Canal.  Hosted by the Caldon & Uttoxeter Canals Trust, the weekend event took place on 9th & 10th June around the Crumpwood area of the canal, near Denstone. 

Yesterday I was asked to do some promo graphics for a local guitar store. He wanted 6 different...

Clients from Hell - 26 June 2018 - 3:20pm

Yesterday I was asked to do some promo graphics for a local guitar store. He wanted 6 different guitar-shaped stickers, 3 separate t-shirt designs (all of which involved varying levels of copyright infringement), an advertisement for a local magazine, and several web graphics for his online site.

I told him I was open to some trade since I’m a player, too.

Client: So be nice to me on price, I’m just a little guy! I was thinking we could swap for a string change and guitar setup.

That’s the equivalent of about $35. Also, I can do that myself.

"Too much white space. White space makes people feel like they are lost on the page."

Clients from Hell - 26 June 2018 - 1:40pm
“Too much white space. White space makes people feel like they are lost on the page.”

I was working a flyer design for a client which was letter sized.Client: The flyer looks nice, but...

Clients from Hell - 25 June 2018 - 3:20pm

I was working a flyer design for a client which was letter sized.

Client: The flyer looks nice, but it’s too small.

Me: I checked the size. It’s 8.5x11, but I’ll send it again.

Client: It’s still small.

I go over to her screen to see she was viewing it zoomed out to 25%. I pressed command +.

Client: Oh that’s perfect!

Back when I was first getting started (and learning valuable lessons from new each client) I had a...

Clients from Hell - 25 June 2018 - 1:41pm

Back when I was first getting started (and learning valuable lessons from new each client) I had a client who taught me the biggest lesson yet - having a rock solid contract.

Client: OK, I like what you’ve done but I’d like to see it this way as well.

Me: OK. Got that done, what do you think?

Client: That’s good, but can you change it to look like this now?

Me: Ok, done. Thoughts?

Client: Hm. Maybe we should try this way instead.

Repeat this process MANY more times…

Me: We’re on the like the 15th version of this site - we really need to be finding a layout and sticking with that

Client: Your contract doesn’t say anything about how many revisions I can have. You should have put that in there. I’m going to teach you a lesson - I own you at this point.

The thing was, she was right. I didn’t have a max number of revisions!

Me: Yes, I see what you mean. Here is your deposit. Have a nice life.

Client: But…

I immediately revised my contract to have a max number of revisions. Returning her deposit and telling her to take a hike was far better than working in indentured servitude for the next however many days/weeks/months/years.

Who hires someone for the sole purpose of teaching them a lesson?

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