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From full-time to freelance, again! The return of Bryce Bladon!

Clients from Hell - 14 January 2020 - 4:45pm
From full-time to freelance, again! The return of Bryce Bladon!

 

Life is full of changes. One moment you can be a freelancer, the next you can be working full-time for one of the most exciting blockchain projects in the world, and then a freelancer again!

…Okay, that’s pretty specific. But that’s exactly the journey Bryce Bladon has taken over the last few years, and he joins old friend Kyle Carpenter to discuss his return to the freelance fold, the strategies he’s used to hit the ground running, and why knowing yourself is the most important thing you can do for your career. 

Today’s links: 

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<p>I was transporting some equipment

Clients from Hell - 14 January 2020 - 2:00pm

I was transporting some equipment for a client several hundred miles. They insisted on following my truck and were very adamant that I go the exact speed limit. The following took place at the first rest stop.

Client: You were speeding. We had to catch up to you several times.

Me: No. I made sure to set the cruise control at exactly the speed limit.

Client: Yeah. But your engine is bigger than ours.

Me: … Haha … huh? … Ha… Wait. Are you serious?

Try as I might, I could not impress on them that 60 mph is the same no matter how big the engine.

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<p>Me: You need to bring two forms of

Clients from Hell - 14 January 2020 - 1:00pm

Me: You need to bring two forms of ID to take your test.

Client: Nobody said that! I only have one.

Me: It’s in your confirmation e-mail. Which you printed out and brought with you.

Client: Well yeah, but I don’t have time to read that stuff.

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Vote for Phil, Eric and Ian!

HNBOC News - 14 January 2020 - 11:12am

Are you a private boater or a C&RT volunteer? You should soon receive an email inviting you to vote for a representative to sit on C&RT's Council. HNBC has no allocated seat on the Council, so we urge you to cast your vote for a club member:

User Submitted Post

Clients from Hell - 13 January 2020 - 2:00pm

Client: Okay, this is what I think you should shoot for. I want you to come up with an idea, something new. Something that no one has ever thought of before, that can guarantee results but doesn’t cost any money.

Me: That would make me Steve Jobs, except for the free part.

Client: Ha! No seriously, be creative.

Me: <Slow blink>

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Design a site then I’ll give you content and direction on the site.

Clients from Hell - 13 January 2020 - 1:00pm

Once again, a client has pulled the old, “Quick we need a landing page by tomorrow” yet provides no text, images or other data as to what is to be on the landing page

Client: What do you need from me to get started?

Client: Um… Everything.

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Save time and money with 395 seamless patterns for $8!

Clients from Hell - 12 January 2020 - 2:10pm
Save time and money with 395 seamless patterns for $8!

This week’s deal is on nearly 400 beautiful patterns and textures for only $8.

> They’re gorgeous, and incredibly useful.

Whether you’re designing products, packaging, or just need a bit of zazz for a background, you’ll use these textures again and again. Ranging from tasteful watercolors to fun designs, one look and your mind will race with possibilities. These textures could be one of the most useful parts of your toolkit, and all 395 are under ten dollars.

Normally, every pattern in this bundle would cost $32, but this week you can save 75% and pay only $8 for the whole shebang

> Check out the deal here!

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Will that knock the price down?

Clients from Hell - 12 January 2020 - 1:00pm

I make custom items from metal, which involve machining, designing, etching, installing electronics, etc.

I was working with a client who I realized would be well served with a design I’d started on my own time.

Me: I have an incomplete design that could be modified to suit your needs.

Client: Will that knock the price down?

Me: No. most of what I’m charging for doesn’t change and besides, I should be paid for the design work I’ve already done.

Client: Will it make it any quicker?

Me: Maybe a little, but there is no real difference to you.

Lesson to me: don’t tell the client if you’re using previous work. Lesson to the client: DESIGN DOESN’T HAVE “DISCOUNTED FLOOR MODELS.” 

 

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User Submitted Post

Clients from Hell - 11 January 2020 - 2:00pm

I was building a webpage for a company who absolutely needed it live the following Monday morning due to a load of press ads going out with the URL printed.

I built the site and put in the images and content and submitted the work to the client:

Client: I am not going to get client approval as they are so easy – so long as it looks good can you go live. I am in later on Sunday so could check it then but just go live once text is in. I need to go now as I have an event to attend tonight so I am just trusting you will get this done – many thanks.

Me: What? Live where?

Client: *silence*

Me: I don’t have any details on the hosting. I don’t know if I am supposed to be hosting this or if they have their own setup? I don’t even know what the domain is! Do we have access to the domain name and can we even change the A records?

Client: *even more silence*

I bet I get an angry message on Monday morning asking why the site isn’t live and it will somehow be my fault despite me trying to phone, email and text to find out what’s going on.

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User Submitted Post

Clients from Hell - 11 January 2020 - 1:15pm

Client: Can you design birthday tags? For candies?

Me: Sure! What’s the theme?

They sent a photo without any reference for size. 

Client: Like this one. I want 50 tags, how much is it?

Me: What’s the tag size?

Client: I don’t know, make it like the one in the picture.

Me: Sure, but I can’t tell the size from the picture, can you measure it?

Client: Oh, it’s small.

Me: … Okay. 3cm?

Client: I don’t know. Like the size of a fridge magnet.

Me:

So I did a 5cm tag and the client did not like it. Too small.

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A camel is just a horse designed by committee

Clients from Hell - 10 January 2020 - 2:00pm

Good planning let me turn a potential CFH into a golden goose. Specifically, the fact that our contract that didn’t include revisions. 

What’s the red flag to the situation I barely avoided? The fact that every email during the proof stage started with:

Client: So I passed this around the office…

*shudder*

 

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User Submitted Post

Clients from Hell - 10 January 2020 - 1:00pm

I’m a freelance photographer going into a phone call with a potential new client, a regional nonprofit hospital’s marketing department:

Me: So what are you looking for?

Client: Yeah, so what DPI can you take pictures at?

It didn’t work out.

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<p>I was working on redesigning a

Clients from Hell - 9 January 2020 - 2:00pm

I was working on redesigning a website for a new client…

Client: I would like the blue and red to look darker.

Me: Sure, no problem.

I changed the colors as requested.

Client: When I am in my office the colors look dark, but when I sit by my window the colors are brighter – I want them to be consistently dark.

Me: Well, sunlight reflecting on the monitor will make the colors on your laptop look lighter.

Client: Please change it so that it doesn’t happen.

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<p>Client: Can you look through this

Clients from Hell - 9 January 2020 - 1:00pm

Client: Can you look through this file and see if they added any custom code?

My client, referring to a multi-thousand line bootstrap CSS file. 

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<p>Client: I need this website

Clients from Hell - 8 January 2020 - 2:00pm

Client: I need this website translated into French 

Me: Can you provide all the contents in a Word format?

Client: This is all I have, hope this helps!

What he sends me is the quote he received from one of our competitors.

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so which is it

Clients from Hell - 8 January 2020 - 1:20pm

Client: I am looking for a simple but complex site. 

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User Submitted Post

Clients from Hell - 7 January 2020 - 2:00pm

We’ve recently come across a client who has an interesting way of avoiding admitting he’s underbudgeted for a project:

Client: We need to reselect the bathroom floors.

Me: Why?

Client: We’re installing next week and it won’t be here for four weeks.

Client: We also need to reselect the foyer material.

Me: Ok, why?

Client: There’s only six pieces in the country, we need seven, and it won’t be here for six weeks. We also need to reselect the kitchen counters, they won’t be here for eight weeks.

My hackles are all the way raised now: these counters are specially made in the US with very specific lead times and should have been ordered weeks before.

Me: We specified these six months ago. Why will they not be there for eight weeks?

It was stunning to watch them try and find a way to say “We can’t afford these even though it was always in budget, and waited until you had no choice but to reselect or delay the project” without admitting to any wrongdoing.

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You want to replace what?

Clients from Hell - 7 January 2020 - 1:00pm

I was a sound mixer for decades. I was working with an artist whose initials started with A and was once part of a famous duo.

This guy was a jerk.

In the tape-based old days (no computers) the recording process allowed for song parts to be replaced within reason but A wasn’t reasonable. 

Client: I don’t like how “the” sounds in this line. Replace it, without disturbing the words on either side. 

Me: Can we just record another take? 

Client: No. 

I did it, after many painstaking hours and many, many tries, each time threatening to wipe out the words on either side because it’s VERY difficult to isolate less than a second of tape. 

I’m glad we got rid of tape. I’m also glad nobody cares about this client anymore. 

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<p>I’m an email manager. Basically, I

Clients from Hell - 6 January 2020 - 2:00pm

I’m an email manager. Basically, I load emails into our email software for clients. We accept emails in HTML format only. 

I ask a client for email files in HTML format, and they send over a jpg SCREENSHOT of the email they want to be sent out.

Client: Here’s the HTML for the email!

Me: Hi, sorry – but that isn’t an HTML file. It’s a picture of the email in jpg format. Would it be possible to get it in HTML format to make sure all your formatting is right?

Client: This is HTML! Just copy and paste it in. 

It wasn’t.

Me: Unfortunately, I can’t load this file into our email system. I can’t even paste in the content since it’s an image. To get the content of the email, I’d have to type up the entire email myself. 

Client: Okay, thanks! Can you have this done ASAP and have the email look 100% like the HTML file I sent? We need it to go out today.

Let me die.

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<p>I work in customer support and take

Clients from Hell - 6 January 2020 - 1:00pm

I work in customer support and take abuse all day long.

Client: F*** you.

Me: Ouch, that’s not nice.

Client: Sorry, I’ve been having a bad day, I guess I shouldn’t take it out on you.

Me: (internally) YOU THINK!?!?!?!

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