Clients from Hell

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Horror stories from freelancers
Updated: 34 min 59 sec ago

Crazy Spa Lady

28 April 2021 - 3:00pm

I was hired as a graphic designer for a spa which is in lockdown due to COVID. I often get requests from the owner who is insane, to design a newsletter but she doesn’t give me any content, or copy or direction.  The meeting goes like this:

Client: Do you have any artwork to show me?

Me: You were supposed to get me copy/content for the newsletter, I sent you an email about it. There’s a campaign document you started that has the areas where you need to add text…

Client: Oh I don’t read long emails, I don’t like working on complicated Google Docs. You don’t have any art work to show me?

Me: It’s your Google doc, I just added “Need Text” in certain areas. No, I have nothing to show you as you need to provide a creative brief on what you would like to see. What products are you promoting and when is the sale?

Client: Well, you should tell me what you need and when you need the information by.

Me: The list of deliverables you requested and timelines for when copy and content is listed in the campaign document you first created.

Client: I don’t like this document, it’s too complicated. I don’t like things in tables.

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You must have wasted time.

28 April 2021 - 2:00pm

Client: Why are there so many hours on this invoice?

Me: Well, there was our meeting, and then I produced that proof of concept set and some roughs for comment, and then I finalized the roughs…

Client: I don’t get it. I told you what to do in the meeting – why didn’t you just DO it? You must have wasted time. 

The post You must have wasted time. appeared first on Clients From Hell.

When life gives you lamins

27 April 2021 - 4:00pm

Client: Do you do lemonade?

Me: Do we do… lemonade?

Client: Yes, I was told you do that here.

Me: I’m sorry, this is a graphics and print shop.

Client: I know that. I’m not an idiot. 

Me: I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to –  

Client: Look If you can’t lemonade these papers for me then I’ll go somewhere else!

Me: Do you mean… laminate?

From the Clients From Hell archives!

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Apparently having things in writing is unprofessional now.

27 April 2021 - 3:00pm

Client: I can’t believe this. This is really unprofessional.

They said this because I had a Terms of Service. 

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The last possible moment

27 April 2021 - 2:00pm

Me: Hey, I need some key info to move forward.

Nothing.

Me: Just following up on this – if you could push that content to me, I can integrate it ASAP.

Silence. 

Me: I’m signing off for the day. If you get that stuff to me overnight, I can get an early start on it first thing tomorrow. 

No response, for days, until 4:54 PM Friday afternoon:

Client: I’m just catching up right now! Where are we on this? Can you turn this around by tomorrow? 

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A print designer’s worst nightmare

26 April 2021 - 4:00pm

Client: I don’t want to be limited by what’s physically possible.

From the Clients From Hell archives.

 

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In his defense…

26 April 2021 - 3:00pm

I recently had a client who made me immediately think of CFH.

I told him that in order to proof read his submission (as well as take care of layout), I needed it in a file I could edit. Preferably a doc, but I was willing to work with pretty much anything. I stressed that I didn’t want a picture as this client often provides that.

So, to my surprise, I found an actual word document in my inbox. I should have known it was too good to be true. I opened the file and inside I found….a picture of a text that had been written on a computer, printed out, photographed and now inserted into the doc. 

In my client’s defense, he’s a 5th grader and the file in question was a school assignment. Hello CFH audience from the daily life of a school in lockdown, hope I could get some laughs out of you.

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It’s your website

26 April 2021 - 2:00pm

From an internal email chain…

Client 1: How do I find links to these two pages?

Client 2: Ask the developer.

For the record I do not post the content to their website. They forwarded the email to me.

Client 1: Hey, where are these two web pages?

Me: (confused) …On your website?

Client 2: Do you have links to them?

Me: (still confused) The pages are on your website. I’m pretty sure they have been there for almost 3 years.

Client 1: But I need links.

Client 2: Please send us links.

TL;DR: they were too lazy to search for two pages on their own website… two pages that they also have links to in more than 50% of the emails they send out on a recurring basis.

Some clients are so very, deeply, incredibly lazy. What’s your story of a client who couldn’t lift a finger?

The post It’s your website appeared first on Clients From Hell.

Showcase your designs in realistic settings for only $24!

25 April 2021 - 4:00pm

This week’s deal is a powerful and attractive mock-up creator worth $49, selling for 50% off for a limited time. That’s only $24!

>Check out the deal here! 

Dazzle Scene Creator includes over 1500 mock-up positions, 30+ high quality scene creators, 30 categories of objects and more that will help you showcase your designs in believable situations! Create stunning and believable top-down tableaus that showcase your products or designs in vivid detail so that your client knows EXACTLY what they’re getting, and EXACTLY how talented you are (very!). 

This program and all its assets are already a bargain at $49, but for a limited time you can get it all for 51% off at $24!

> Check out the deal here! 

The post Showcase your designs in realistic settings for only $24! appeared first on Clients From Hell.

YOU don’t know how to draw, IDIOT!

24 April 2021 - 4:00pm

Client: I would like for you to make a simpler version of the logo for my business. What do you think of the logo I sent you?

Me: It’s too busy. It looks like a mural. When creating a logo, you want something simple. Simplicity sells. I’ll create a better version for you.

Client: Okay, thanks. Make it simple!

After spending 2 weeks creating the new logo…

Client: I saw the logo. But I think I want to use the original one. I wanted you to keep everything in it, but make it simple.

Me: I don’t understand how that’s possible.

Client: Are you saying that because you don’t know how to draw? 

A blast from the past from the Clients From Hell archives!

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unavailable is not available

24 April 2021 - 3:00pm

Client: We have a problem! The no-reply@… address in the notification e-mails does not exist! Could you create it ASAP?

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Isn’t that the point?

24 April 2021 - 2:00pm

Client: The display poster you designed has been on my desk all day, and I can’t stop looking at it. Can we fix that?

 

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I’m feeling sorry for your wife.

24 April 2021 - 2:00pm

I was working with a client who thought we were pals (despite me never giving any signs to that effect). He used to tell me harrowing stories about his ex-wife, who he didn’t like very much, but was COMPLETELY unaware that he was the villain in the story. 

He told this story about his wife getting drunk at a party after a fight they’d had and how she’d made a fool of herself and he just left her there. He said this like it was funny, and when I didn’t laugh:

Client: Not laughing, huh? I guess you feel sorry for me.

No, jackass, I feel sorry for your wife. 

The post I’m feeling sorry for your wife. appeared first on Clients From Hell.

Just steal it

23 April 2021 - 4:00pm

A few years back I made a website for a client that worked in security. Some weeks later, I got a call from a potential client via that site.

As it turned out, the potential client working in security too. He also had the same name as the client who I made the first website for.

Client: I found that site you made for [competitor client]. I really like it and would like you to make one like that for me too.

Me: That shouldn’t be a problem. Do you already have any Ideas what you need or want?

Client: No no, I want a site just like the one you made for [competitor client].

Me: Well, since you work in the same field, with the same name, we should at least make the design clearly different.

Client: No, I like the design. Make me one just like that. Just without the danger of confusion.

A blast from the past from the Clients From Hell archives

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Need To Hear It Again?

23 April 2021 - 3:00pm

I run the website and social media for a car dealership.

Client: Hey, our website is showing this finance rate on this vehicle, can you take it down?

Me: No, it’s controlled by the OEM. Why, is it wrong? I can call someone to get it changed.

Client: No, we just don’t want to advertise it. So can you take it down?

Me: No, it’s controlled by the OEM.

Client: So you can’t remove it?

Me: (Am I taking crazy pills?) No, it’s controlled by the OEM…

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Trash talking trash

23 April 2021 - 2:00pm

Client: I’m glad we’re working with you. The last designer we had, Claire, she was terrible. Just an awful designer, I don’t know why I kept her on for so long.

Me: Do you mean Claire _____?

Client: Why, do you know her?

She was a good friend of mine, and a designer I really admired.

I kept the contract short on this one. 

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Sarcasm: it’s how you win.

22 April 2021 - 4:00pm

A solar company hired me to build a “basic” website.

Client: Can we have it where the website is dark when they first arrive and then slowly gets brighter – like the sun is rising on the website?

Me: Does your monitor have a brightness setting?

Client: Very funny, but really, can we?

Me: No.

Client: Ok, how about a place on the homepage where our installers can stream their thoughts on solar?

Me: Sure, just send me the copy.

Client: No, you don’t understand. I want their thoughts to stream live onto the website.

Me: Are they the Terminator? Will it stream through Skynet?

Client: You’re fired.

Me: Good.

A blast from the past from the Clients From Hell archives!

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PEBCAK Error

22 April 2021 - 3:00pm

Client: Hey, do you know how I can log into my Instagram account?

Me: Uh, put in your email and password

Client: Yeah but I don’t know the password

Me: So click the button that says ‘forgot password’

Client: Oh wow, thank you! You’re a genius!

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One out of three ain’t bad

22 April 2021 - 2:00pm

I was giving a client three concepts. They’d given me no direction, and just asked me to “use my imagination,” which… you know. I’d done my best to put together a solid spread of concepts based on NO information. I showed my first:

Client: Hate it.

Second: 

Client: This is TERRIBLE.

I was starting to sweat. Third: 

Client: This is great! Why did you waste my time with that other garbage?

I’m glad they liked it, but also… f*** you man. I did my best with no information. 

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Support the intern

21 April 2021 - 4:00pm

I’m the staff videographer in the marketing department of a multi-million dollar organization. A few weeks ago, I showed up to a project meeting with the head of another department only to have him tell me that he had recruited a student intern to produce this particular video for him. He made it clear that she (the intern) was supposed to run the show, but it would be a good idea for me to supervise, especially since she might need to use some of our gear. I was insulted, but shrugged it off because hey – it was one less project, and the department was notoriously difficult to work with.

I spent the day of the shoot setting up the company gear for the intern to film the cringe-worthy script that she and the department head had agreed on. Only after we packed up was I informed that since the intern didn’t own a computer, she would need to schedule time in-between her classes to come to my office and use my computer to edit the video. Despite the complete absurdity of this request, I’ve spent the last three mornings awkwardly sitting in the guest chair of my own office watching a college student (who very clearly has zero editing experience) struggle to do my job for me.

I now have less faith in my company’s competence than they apparently have in mine.

A blast from the past from the Clients From Hell archives!

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