Clients from Hell

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Horror stories from freelancers
Updated: 35 min 47 sec ago

97% Off 76 handmade premium fonts – only $15!

6 January 2019 - 1:25pm
97% Off 76 handmade premium fonts – only $15!

This week’s deal is on 76 unique and super cool fonts!

> Take a look. There’s nothing quite like them.

Sometimes all you need are the classics – Helvetica, Arial, Comic Sans… but sometimes what you need to complete a design is something wild, weird and wonderful! That’s where these fonts come in. Each one designed by hand to capture a certain look and feel, all 76 of these fonts are the cherry on top for some design project. Want the hippy-cool of Lovadelic to evoke nostalgia for a boomer audience? Or maybe an 80s-style dystopian flair of Violence? The Hot Topic cartoon look of Dreadful? Just take a look at these fonts and you’ll start dreaming of the jobs you can use them on. Fun jobs. Jobs you want.

Sold separately, all these fonts would total $500 but if you buy now you get all 76 for only $15. That’s 97% off! Even if you don’t have a job for these typefaces right now at that price you can afford to buy them and sit on them until you do. This is an investment in your future!

> Check out the deal here!

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<p>I’m a freelance website developer

6 January 2019 - 11:00am

I’m a freelance website developer that is currently working with a very nice older client, who unfortunately knows nothing about using a computer.

Client: Help! I’m trying to add an image to my updated About page, but the image won’t load. What should I do?

Me: Can you send me the image so I can take a look at it?

Client sends me a Word document.

Me: That’s a Word document, not an image. Are you trying to add one of these images in the document or do you want to add the document as a PDF?

Client: Oh, it won’t just convert the document to an image if I put it on the site?

I can’t decide if this is more adorable or annoying. 

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<p>I was working on a Saturday on a

5 January 2019 - 12:00pm

I was working on a Saturday on a very complex infographic and my wife walked by, saying “I will never get why they pay you to do these little drawings and doodles”.

My. Own. Wife.

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<p>A potential client approached me to

5 January 2019 - 11:00am

A potential client approached me to work on her video.  I say “potential” because she was seeking my services but wasn’t ready to accept the reality of how much visual effects services cost. Still, before we agreed to anything she sent me a script. 

 Client: Did you get the script?

Me: Yes I did.

Client: Since you are applying for this job, can you send me some samples of how you would design the character? That way I can look at your character designs and consider you for the position.

Me: I didn’t apply to this job. You came to me. You saw my professional credentials and my portfolio and asked if I would be willing to contribute to your project. And no, I will not design anything until we have an official agreement. Also, I’m swamped with work and don’t think I can take this on at the moment. 

Client: So…. You’re not going to design anything for free?

There aren’t enough facepalms in the world…

 

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Can I pay with bus tires?

4 January 2019 - 12:00pm

I had a very successful business selling knives in Bulgaria a few years ago. One day a guy calls me with an order.

Client: I want that knife

Me: Awesome. Are you from my city, or want it sent by courier?

Client: I want it sent here: [gives me address]

Me: Okay, I’ll send it right away.

Client: But, can I pay with tires? I have a few very good used winter tires from a bus, I don’t need them, so I can give them to you for free in exchange for the knife. What do you think?

Me: Hahaha, good joke.

Client: No, it’s not a joke. Sorry. Can you please send me the knife,  I will send the tires.

Me: I don’t need tires. Why would I need used bus tires? 

Client: Okay… but if you reconsider, I’m here.

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User Submitted Post

4 January 2019 - 11:00am

“Change the orange color in the background to something brighter, like blue or dark green.”

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the old “phony season ticket” prank

3 January 2019 - 12:00pm

Years ago, whilst working at a print & design firm.

Client: Our friend is getting married so we want to prank him by giving him a fake season ticket for Birmingham football club, can you make that for us?

Me: (not being born yesterday) Seeing as that would be illegal, We would be uncomfortable doing that. Sorry.

Client: Nah mate it’s fine, it’s not illegal we just want to prank him with a fake ticket that simply LOOKS like a genuine season ticket!

Me: (realizing they weren’t likely to back down quickly) We would still be unwilling to do this. Tell you what though, if you can provide us with written confirmation from Birmingham FC (and whoever else needs to provide permission), stating that they approve you doing this, then we would be more than happy to help.

Client: Bruv! It’s for a prank for f***’s sake! Are you going to do it or not??!

Me: As I said before, we will be happy to help but ONLY with written permission from Birmingham FC and any other affiliates that need to provide permission.

Surprisingly, the client never came back. Guess they had trouble getting that permission through!

 

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User Submitted Post

3 January 2019 - 11:00am

I got hired to edit a video for a company showing all fun and cool things they’ve done over the year. I do a lot of music videos, which is why they hired me. They wanted it to feel happy and epic, with lots of energy, so they told me to edit it to some house music. I had a blast until I was almost finished and the deadline was less than a day away.

Client: It looks great, but can you make it like this instead? Oh, and we don’t like your animations. Can you make them better, like the one we had last year? 

They sent me a link to a Powerpoint presentation, with blurry images and texts that I wasn’t able to read.

I’m not an animator and Powerpoint presentations give me nightmares. I stared at it for half an hour. Then I had some wine. 

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<p>I was hired by a small company run

2 January 2019 - 12:00pm

I was hired by a small company run by a husband and a wife to write about their business for an upcoming local event.

We talked about the project on Thursday and the deadline was Sunday. It was a quick turnaround but I was confident I could do it if they were prompt with their feedback.

The next day, Friday, I sent the copy to them at 2 PM.

Client (Husband): Looks great! Submit it.

I didn’t hear from the wife, but since the husband was so positive and they lived together I assumed they talked about it. I waited for additional feedback but eventually submitted the copy to the event on Sunday when it was due.

On Monday morning at 10 AM I got an email.

Client (Wife): I have a list of revisions I’d like you to make. Some phrases, photos, descriptions, etc.

Me: Uh… The deadline to submit was on Sunday. I waited for your feedback until the last minute but I’ve already submitted the project.

Client (Wife): Well I don’t work on weekends and just saw your email this morning!

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<p>I spent six weeks working on a new

2 January 2019 - 11:00am

I spent six weeks working on a new website for a client. Everything was going great – both he and his extended management team loved my work. However, when the site was almost ready to go, he became reticent, putting off giving final revisions and the vital content I required to complete the job and get paid. I visited him in his office to find out what the problem was.

Me: What’s the problem? Because it’s quite clear there is one.

Client: I’ve decided the site is not going live until we have all the educational resources finished and up on the website.

Me: That’s not what we agreed. The project was that I would create the page and we’d launch the site and you would upload the educational resources later

Client: No, that is not what we agreed., We agreed that the educational resources were an integral part of the deal and that furthermore, YOU were going to provide that content.

Fortunately, he had signed off on a detailed, 12-page proposal and contract that showed I was correct. I sent it to him to prove it.  

Client: Why are you showing me this? I didn’t read it. Do you read the full terms and conditions when you buy Microsoft Office?

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Schrodinger on line 2

1 January 2019 - 12:00pm

Client: You need to change this bar chart so that it doesn’t show the departments with zero entries, but don’t remove departments just because they have no entries.

I’m going to need a cat… and a box.

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Reprints From Hell

1 January 2019 - 11:00am

I’m a screen printer with lots of repeat clients. We keep all art/films on file so we can easily reprint the same shirt over and over without re-confirming size or what-have-you.

A client emailed asking for a reprint of a shirt we’ve done 4 times before. They sent their shirt sizes and I responded with an invoice that included the print size, color and location.

Client: Great! I’d like to go ahead and place the order. Can we just confirm where the designs will be placed on the shirts?

Me: Oh, sorry. I thought this was a reprint of your standard front print.

Client: What does that mean?

Me: Sorry, maybe I misunderstood your question? The print will be just as you asked for – 9″ wide on the front?

Client: Can you show me where the image will be placed on the shirt?

I sent the client a photo pulled from their corporate Instagram of the last run of shirts with the same design, same placement.

Client: Great. Just to confirm, THIS is how they will look? 

Attached was the exact same photo I sent him. 

Me: Yep.

Client: Great, let’s go ahead with the order!

I’m still confused. Why was he so worried? Why did he send back the same file to double-check?

Was he trying to trick me? 

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Free logo

31 December 2018 - 12:00pm

I was started working for a recruiting company redesigning their website. The client sent me a logo that was really old-fashioned and ugly.

Client: Don’t worry. I know that logo is out of date. We’re just going to use it as a placeholder until the new one is done. It’s going to be much more modern and streamlined.

Phew. I went to work, doing my best to create a beautiful modern website for them. Then they sent me the new logo. 

It was just as ugly and old-fashioned – maybe more so.

Me: Uh… Can I ask who designed this logo?

Client: (proudly) I got it from one of those websites that design logos. It was free! 

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I’m having an EPSode

31 December 2018 - 11:00am

I freelance as an editor and cartographer in my spare time. I had just sent multiple highly detailed historical maps to a client as .eps files.

Client: So there’s something wrong with these maps – we can’t see some of the text. Maybe you used a font we don’t have installed. Also all the text is showing up as paths and not editable text. Could you fix this ASAP?

Me, internally: You sent me a screenshot showing yourself editing them. Also… the maps are in TIMES NEW ROMAN as you requested. 

Me: Ok, I’ll get right on that.

Client: And maybe send it to us as a PNG?

Me: (puts head on desk at an accelerated rate)

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50 Custom buttons with free shipping for only $9!

30 December 2018 - 2:08pm
50 Custom buttons with free shipping for only $9!

This week’s deal is on 50 custom buttons with free shipping to the US, Canada and the EU for only $9! 

> Buttons are fun. So is this deal. 

Every time we’ve featured a sale from Sticker Mule it’s sold out almost instantly, so act fast! Sticker Mule makes quality products from your designs, giving you an easy way to bring your designs to life! Give them to friends, sell them at conventions, skip the business card and leave a real impression with potential clients! 

Normally Sticker Mule would sell these premium buttons for $33 which is already super reasonable, but if you act now you can save 73% and receive 50 buttons for only $9! Again – if you live in the US, Canada or the EU super fast 2-day shipping is FREE!

> Check out the deal here. 

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Latest release

30 December 2018 - 12:00pm

Me: We need to update your VOIP server to the newest version

Client: Didn’t you already do that a year ago? 

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Turnaround is fair play

30 December 2018 - 11:00am

In this case, I am the client and have just been brought on board to oversee a project rollout. We have 500 products made, nearly 1,000 postcards and a brand new branding to be deployed before Christmas. We are commencing the marketing campaign on January 2nd. Today’s date is November 27th.

Me: Before we go public with this, can I please confirm that we have the copyrights for these images and the font?

Designer: Yeah – I got the photos from Google Images and the front from 1001fonts.com.

I don’t know whether to scream, cry, break stuff or do the dishes…

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User Submitted Post

29 December 2018 - 12:00pm

I had a second meeting with a client who had brought us on board to assist with an event. 

Me: Based on this scope, we can do this for $2,500.

Client: Hmmm. That won’t work. You see, my notes from our last meeting say that you would do this for free, or for next-to-free.

Me: That doesn’t sound like something I would say. Also, we didn’t discuss price at the last meeting because you didn’t have the full scope of what you wanted.

Client: I’m known for the accuracy of my notes. Trust me, they say you will do this for free.

Me: I don’t believe that’s an accurate representation of what happened.

Client: Are you saying my notes are liars?

Me: I’m saying they don’t reflect what we discussed.

Client: My notes don’t lie. They say you will do this for free.

Spoiler alert: We didn’t do a thing for this client, and ended the discussion right there. I wonder if their notes are still lying to them, though?

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Stick with a professional please

29 December 2018 - 11:00am

For the past two years, I’ve provided design packages for an annual event run by a non-profit collegiate organization. I’m a member of the organization and really believe in what they do so I even did it for free.

This year they decided to go “in a different direction” and made all the materials themselves. They were AWFUL. Worse still, several members of this organization approached me to ask if I had designed this year’s materials. It makes me sick to my stomach to think that the clip art they slapped on a PowerPoint is associated with my name as a designer. 

Well, it’s easy to say that I’ll not be designing for this organization again in the future. They can have their clip art if they want it.

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User Submitted Post

28 December 2018 - 12:00pm

Back when I was first starting out in design, I was hired to design a logo for the home improvement company my brother was working for. I was super excited for my first gig and agreed to what I thought was a very reasonable fee of $50.

I drew several rough drafts on paper – no clip art or simple font effects here! I’m getting paid $50, I have to do my best, right? The client chose one he liked so I scanned it and created a vector version.

Client: I love it! But Can you make just a few little changes?

I was too experienced to know what came next. 

What followed was the kind of back-and-forth that every freelance designer is familiar with. “I want a shadow effect under the logo.” “Oh, actually, I want to stitch it into hats, so a shadow won’t work, take it out.” “Why did you take out the shadow effect?”

This went on for about half a month. It ended one day when I got an email informing me that the client found some other guy on the internet who would make him a logo for only $2 and was going with them instead.

He attached some examples to the email; it was all free web clip art copied and pasted together. 

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