Clients from Hell

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Horror stories from freelancers
Updated: 1 hour 59 min ago

<p>I make plush dolls by hand as gifts

1 June 2020 - 3:00pm

I make plush dolls by hand as gifts for people sometimes, and people often approach me asking if I can make one for them. Here’s a recent potential client.

Client: That doll is so cute, can you make me one for $20?

Me: Well, it took me 25 hours of work and is all done by hand so the lowest I could possibly go is $200, if you don’t want a fancy outfit. But I’d be willing to make another at that price.

Client: How about $35?

Me: You can have the felt and thread for that. The sewing will be $165 more.

Client: Okay, so like $50?

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<p>I was a recording engineer for 40

1 June 2020 - 2:00pm

I was a recording engineer for 40 years and I’ve had some strange experiences in recording studios, but without a doubt the strangest was one with a certain singer and songwriter famed for his purple themed world.

I was excited when I saw the booking to cut a single for him. So he walked in, handed me the tape, walked over to a corner of the room and proceeded to stare silently at me. For 3 hours. I tried talking to him, asked him what he wanted out of the record, what sort of sound he wanted, but he didn’t say anything, just stared.  

Didn’t say a word.

For 3 solid hours.

Unnerving.

The post appeared first on Clients From Hell.

<p>I was a recording engineer for 40

1 June 2020 - 2:00pm

I was a recording engineer for 40 years and I’ve had some strange experiences in recording studios, but without a doubt the strangest was one with a certain singer and songwriter famed for his purple themed world.

I was excited when I saw the booking to cut a single for him. So he walked in, handed me the tape, walked over to a corner of the room and proceeded to stare silently at me. For 3 hours. I tried talking to him, asked him what he wanted out of the record, what sort of sound he wanted, but he didn’t say anything, just stared.  

Didn’t say a word.

For 3 solid hours.

Unnerving.

The post appeared first on Clients From Hell.

Turn any poor-quality image into a fully scalable vector for just $9!

31 May 2020 - 3:00pm
Turn any poor-quality image into a fully scalable vector for just $9!

This week’s deal a returning one; Stickermule offers a service that will turn any busted, low-res image into a ready-to-print vector file, helping you get around the “my client send me a burry jpg in a Word doc” headache.

And, if you get the deal here, it’s only $9. 

You know the story. You ask a client for high-res version of their logo and they give you a photo of their business card, or a grainy JPG embedded in a Word document. You push them for a high-quality version and they have no idea what you’re talking about. Well, there’s no need to pull your hair out; Sticker Mule will redraw that lousy image into a vector for only $9

This service is normally $29 (and frankly well worth not having to track down  your client’s previous designer) but this week only you can pay $9 and have a client-satisfaction SUPERPOWER in your back pocket. Save yourself time and effort and pay the experts at Sticker Mule to redo the logo! 

Check out the deal here. 

 

The post Turn any poor-quality image into a fully scalable vector for just $9! appeared first on Clients From Hell.

Turn any poor-quality image into a fully scalable vector for just $9!

31 May 2020 - 3:00pm
Turn any poor-quality image into a fully scalable vector for just $9!

This week’s deal a returning one; Stickermule offers a service that will turn any busted, low-res image into a ready-to-print vector file, helping you get around the “my client send me a burry jpg in a Word doc” headache.

And, if you get the deal here, it’s only $9. 

You know the story. You ask a client for high-res version of their logo and they give you a photo of their business card, or a grainy JPG embedded in a Word document. You push them for a high-quality version and they have no idea what you’re talking about. Well, there’s no need to pull your hair out; Sticker Mule will redraw that lousy image into a vector for only $9

This service is normally $29 (and frankly well worth not having to track down  your client’s previous designer) but this week only you can pay $9 and have a client-satisfaction SUPERPOWER in your back pocket. Save yourself time and effort and pay the experts at Sticker Mule to redo the logo! 

Check out the deal here. 

 

The post Turn any poor-quality image into a fully scalable vector for just $9! appeared first on Clients From Hell.

<p>I was asked to illustrate an ad for

30 May 2020 - 3:00pm

I was asked to illustrate an ad for a client.

Client:  Let’s make the child ambiguously racial. We want this to have a wide appeal.

I gave the drawing of the kid a middle tone complexion.

Client: Hm, can we lighter on the skin?

I changed the skin color to a tanned complexion.

Client: Can we go lighter?

I made the illustration fully Caucasian with blond hair and blue eyes.

Client: Perfect!

The post appeared first on Clients From Hell.

<p>I was asked to illustrate an ad for

30 May 2020 - 3:00pm

I was asked to illustrate an ad for a client.

Client:  Let’s make the child ambiguously racial. We want this to have a wide appeal.

I gave the drawing of the kid a middle tone complexion.

Client: Hm, can we lighter on the skin?

I changed the skin color to a tanned complexion.

Client: Can we go lighter?

I made the illustration fully Caucasian with blond hair and blue eyes.

Client: Perfect!

The post appeared first on Clients From Hell.

<p>I’d been chasing down payment from a

30 May 2020 - 2:00pm

I’d been chasing down payment from a client who owed me $1500 after many hours worked. After weeks of not hearing from him, I got this message in December:

Client: Due to lack of communication over the past Christmas holidays, I’ve decided to cancel the project. It’s a shame because I really wanted to make this project a success. Oh well. Happy Holidays.

P.S. I won’t be able to respond to this email quickly due to it being the Holidays. I’m spending time with family. Thanks.

The post appeared first on Clients From Hell.

<p>Client: The event is 6 hours long.

29 May 2020 - 3:00pm

Client: The event is 6 hours long. Can you photograph it?

Me: Sure thing. Given that it’s a pretty big job and you’re asking me to edit 500 photos I’ll let you know tonight how much I’d be asking. 

Client: Oh we aren’t going to pay you. Currently we can offer you free entrance. 

Me: Free entrance to the event I work at?

Client: Well… Yes. Otherwise the ticket costs 50 euros. 

Me: You’d expect me to pay for a ticket to an even I’d have to work for free at?

Client: We’ll get back to you in a tad bit see if we can pay you.

Later that day…

Client: We’ve discussed this with the organizers, and we agreed we can provide you an extra ticket to bring a date or a friend.

The post appeared first on Clients From Hell.

flavorable

29 May 2020 - 2:00pm

I am a freelance admin. I recently stumbled on this post for a contract:

Client: Posting on Facebook, Instagram pages and Twitter to improve brand awareness. Attractive females who are willing to publicly associate with the business are f(l)avorable. Toleration of bosses distasteful, inappropriate and politically incorrect viewpoints and sense of humor.

Seriously?

The post flavorable appeared first on Clients From Hell.

<p>Client: I have a project for you. Do

28 May 2020 - 3:00pm

Client: I have a project for you. Do you have time?

Me: Sure thing, just give me the details.

Client: (silent for 2 months)

Client: hey I know Christmas in a few days but here’s the details on that project. We need it ASAP. Before the 25th if you can.

Merry Christmas to me, I guess.

The post appeared first on Clients From Hell.

<p>Monday morning, 9:30 AM, my client

28 May 2020 - 2:00pm

Monday morning, 9:30 AM, my client gives me a project that normally needs two full days to complete.

At 3 PM, I have a web appointment with two people from different countries and different time zones. It could only be at this time.  

At 3:30 PM:

Client: Why isn’t it finished yet?

Me: Besides the fact that I was working as fast as two people, I had to stop for this meeting that I scheduled last week.

Client: You have a problem organizing your time!

The post appeared first on Clients From Hell.

<p>I’m a real estate photographer in

27 May 2020 - 3:00pm

I’m a real estate photographer in Stockholm, Sweden. I’d just finished a big photo project for a Real Estate agent, who asked me to help her with some personal photos.

Client: I have a blog and Instagram account with a lot of followers, but my photos suck! I’ve done some renovations at my house and I’d love to show them on the blog and on Instagram. Would you do a quick retouch job on a photo for me?

She was paying me a fair bit for the job I’d just completed, so I thought “I can do a quick photo retouch.” I agreed and she gave me her camera’s SD card.

When I got home though, I discovered there were 258 unsorted images on the card.

Me: Hey – which is the photo you wanted me to edit?

Client: All of them of course!

Me: But you said you needed one photo.

Client: Yes, but I need to see all of them finished before I choose.

The post appeared first on Clients From Hell.

<p>I took a side job from my brother-in

27 May 2020 - 2:00pm

I took a side job from my brother-in-law to develop a SaaS app that was supposed to “change the face of the industry.” The problem was that he had no experience with apps or running a business. So after months of constant rework while he figured out what he actually wanted the app to do, he tasked me with some “mission critical” features he needed finished for our test launch the following week. He also asked me to give him a quote for a full re-skin of the app’s frontend, to be completed for the full release. I told him it would take 24 hours to redo the frontend, but at least 40 hours for the new features and that I would need to get started right away, as I only had 5 days to do them, 3 of which were a long holiday weekend I was supposed to spend with my family. I managed to finish the new features he needed overnight on Sunday, so I sent him an email before I went to bed to let him know. I got the following call at noon on Labor Day, while playing with my kids:

Client: I have some serious concerns I need to discuss with you.

Me: Oh, what’s wrong? Is something wrong with the update I pushed?

Client: No, that’s all fine. What I’m concerned about is that none of the new styling is up! I had my designer send you the comps on Friday.

Me: Correct. Like we discussed last week, I finished the updates you needed for tomorrow’s release and I’ll have the styling ready for the full launch next week.

Client: Well that is completely unacceptable, did you even do any work this weekend!? I have potential clients that are going to see this, and it looks like shit, it doesn’t match the new branding at all. I need you to get back at it and have those designs applied by tomorrow morning!

Me: Why exactly do they need to be ready by tomorrow morning? 

Client: Because I have a thousand sales flyers being delivered tomorrow to potential clients, designed with the new branding, with the web address on them. People aren’t going to sign up if the app doesn’t look good!

Me: Did you think to mention to me that you were sending out a thousand sales flyers, and that you were having them delivered on the day of our test launch? Because I might have told you that was a bad idea.

Client: Well…I guess I probably should have. But that doesn’t matter right now. They’re going out and I need that styling up before they arrive!

Me: So, you’d like me to leave my family–your nephews–after ignoring them to focus on your project all weekend, and work without sleep for the next eighteen hours straight because you failed to tell me that you were sending out sales flyers to every prospective client you have.

Client: Well, when you say it like that it makes me sound like the bad guy.

Me: ….

The post appeared first on Clients From Hell.

<p>I live in Asia and work as an

26 May 2020 - 3:00pm

I live in Asia and work as an architectural engineer/project designer/project manager for a small waterproof construction firm. A family friend had hired our company to provide waterproofing treatment to protect the exterior of her home from water damage during typhoon season.

Late Friday night, I received frantic texts from said family friend.

Client: I was tossing dirty mop water out the window when some water spilled and now I can see some water got into the wall and the wall is wet! Didn’t you waterproof my home? Explain this!

I checked the photos. It’s obvious the window was a DIY installation without proper sealing. Plus we only treated the exterior wall because she didn’t want the expense of treating her windows.

Me: Auntie, it’s very late and I’m getting ready to go to bed. But I’ll forward this to my boss and see what he says.

Early the next morning, she again texted me.

Client: I am NOT happy. I was washing the window this morning and more water spilled and got into the wall and it’s even wetter. My water proofing came with a 10 year guarantee, right? You’ll come and fix this?

Me: I’m sorry you’re having difficulties, Auntie. But after looking at the photos and your contract, this isn’t a problem with our treatment. We treated the exterior wall, not the interior wall. You also didn’t want us to seal your windows. If you’d like us to come and treat your windows and the interior wall, on Monday we can send someone to do a free project estimate.

Client: Okay. When he comes to fix your faulty treatment, he can bring some silicone and seal the window. For free, right?

At this point, I opt to call her. After a lengthy discussion, she finally agrees that our treatment is not the cause of her problem but an improperly sealed window her son had installed himself.

Client: Well, how much for you to come and put some silicone on the window?

Me: We could do that, but it’s not a permanent fix and if you keep throwing dirty mop water out the window, you’ll have this problem again very soon. The best thing would be to take the window out, treat and seal the interior wall, then re-install the window. That would probably be about $X.

Client: So much? I don’t want that! I just want you to come and put some silicone around the window.

Me: We’d be happy to do that, but this is our busy season and you’d probably have to wait 2 months or so before we’d have a worker available to do that.

Client: I guess I could wait, but what should I do until then? The window and wall will just keep getting wet!

Me: You could do what my wife and I do, you can flush your dirty mop water or walk outside to dump it.

Client: Oh…right…I guess I could do that. But what about washing it? A lot of water got into the window this morning when I was washing it.

Me: Have you heard of something called Windex? You don’t need water – just a clean rag and if you’re quick, it won’t drip.

Client: Okay, I’ll try that. And when you’re not busy, you can come put silicone on the window.

Later that afternoon, she texted me a photo of the window frame covered in duct tape. She captioned the photo: I don’t need silicone or Windex now.

She also gave me permission to use her idea on other projects. How very generous.

The post appeared first on Clients From Hell.

as good as that

26 May 2020 - 2:00pm

I’m a web designer doing work for an international company. They wanted different versions of their site for different countries – not just translations, but entirely new looks and feels.

Client: Use our corporate colors: red, black, and white. Make sure to stick to this.

I got to work. Soon, though, they heard that Asian countries didn’t like the use of red – leaving only black and white in the branding colors they asked us to use. I accommodated and showed them a version.

Client: It’s good, but where’s the color?

Me:

After much back and forth, they gave us a design from their artists. The color scheme? Purple, blue, and black.

Client: Why couldn’t you come up with something as good as that?

The post as good as that appeared first on Clients From Hell.

the answer is of course not you idiot

25 May 2020 - 3:00pm

Client: We LOVE your designs. Can we hire someone else to recreate them?

The post the answer is of course not you idiot appeared first on Clients From Hell.

<p>I have been writing articles for a

25 May 2020 - 2:00pm

I have been writing articles for a client for a long time, with no issues. Suddenly, my articles are being returned with lots of corrections needed, all in capitals.

Client: These articles are VERY IMPORTANT. Facts only! NO FLUFF. NO FILLERS. It should be of the HIGHEST QUALITY. I need this to be thoughtfully written.

Ok, it WAS thoughtfully written, but I was happy to rewrite. Sent in the revision, still no good.. 

Client: Please combine facts to one the best-ever review. NO FLUFF, facts ONLY.

I rewrite as cold, hard facts. NOPE.

Client: We’re VERY unhappy. We need it similar to THIS website 

That would have been helpful in the first place. Anyway, I checked out the example website. It’s a first-person, conversational-style blog (with shocking syntax, spelling and grammar I might add). It’s pretty much just someone’s opinion-based review of the product.

So, BRB I guess. I’m off to THOUGHTFULLY write a conversational-style piece with only facts, no fillers, creating “one the best ever review.”

The post appeared first on Clients From Hell.

4000+ Vector logos and icons for only $14 — 98% off!

24 May 2020 - 3:00pm
4000+ Vector logos and icons for only $14 — 98% off!

This week’s deal is on 4000+ labels, logos, icons and more for 98% off!

> Seriously, there are A LOT of neat toys in this one. 

You’re a great designer, but that doesn’t mean you have to personally create every last element in your next branding package. These 4000+ elements will help fill in the gaps and inspire you to try new things, all in fully-editable vector formats, and at only $14 you’ll save time and money using these tools. 

Normally this bundle would sell for $800, but this week it’s only $14 or 98% off the typical asking price. That’s a huge discount on a great product.

> Check it out! 

The post 4000+ Vector logos and icons for only $14 — 98% off! appeared first on Clients From Hell.

<p>Client: Can you proofread and edit

24 May 2020 - 2:00pm

Client: Can you proofread and edit this for me?

Me: Sure, send me a sample and I’ll let you know how long it takes.

Client emails me a .docx file and I quickly go through it.

Me: Yeah, this will take at least a week and cost $XXX.

Client: What? Why? It should be a quick edit – there are no red squiggly lines in Word.

The Client was very sweet. I didn’t have the heart to tell them that every word was spelled correctly, but the majority of the sentences didn’t make sense.

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