Clients from Hell

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Horror stories from freelancers
Updated: 58 min 9 sec ago

Turn any photo into an urban sketch for 93% off! Only $7!

1 November 2020 - 4:00pm

This week’s deal is on a Photoshop action that will turn any photo into an achingly beautiful artistic sketch. 

It’s an easy way to add fast, visual flair to  your designs. 

This Photoshop Action transforms photos into delicate lines and subtle watercolors with just a few clicks. It’s great for architecture drawings, souvenirs, t-shirts and more! Need fast backdrops for that animated project you’re starting? Want a framed image of your family home that will look great on your wall? This tool is bursting with possibilities, and it’s a great price

Normally this tool would cost $100, but this week it’s only $7. Hey – you’re not buying any coffees these days; treat yourself a fun toy and wow your clients!

Check out the deal here!

 

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Suspect Video Meetings on Friday..

1 November 2020 - 3:00pm

Client: We are ready to rock n roll ASAP. When can you meet?

Me: How about a video call tomorrow?

Client: Video call will do.

Me: OK, great let’s do that. What time?

Client: 8 am? No, wait, 4:45 pm.

Me: Sounds good, I’ll book it in now.

Client: What’s the protocol? Will we wear clothes? I’m usually nude by 4:45 pm on a Friday.

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Something is missing but you have to guess what it is.

1 November 2020 - 2:00pm

Client: Make it look exactly like this: *text in email*

Me: I did make it look like that. Here’s a new proof in case I accidentally sent the old one.

Client: Does it look exactly like that?

Me: Um, yes?

Client: No it doesn’t. What’s missing?

Me: I made the text look exactly the way you wanted it to look.

Client: I’m not sure what part if this isn’t getting through to you. It’s very simple. What does my text have that your design doesn’t?

I took the email to my manager to figure out as he knows this client personally. He was at a loss as well.

Me: I’m sorry, I really don’t know what you need.

Client: In the example I sent you, SOME TEXT is in ALL CAPS. 

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You should know exactly what I want

31 October 2020 - 3:00pm

Client: *requests sports themed design*

Me: Here’s a first draft. 

Client: *requests a few adjustments*

Me: No problem. I made those adjustments. Here’s a new draft. Please let me know if there’s anything else you want different.

Client: *Complains directly to my manager that I have no understanding of what she wants and she wants to look elsewhere for design because I don’t seem to have enough experience in “athletic design” after 2 drafts.*

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Time travelling ad buyer

31 October 2020 - 2:00pm

About 15 years ago, I was starting my career as a media buyer at a big ad agency in the UK. Basically, I was a junior in the team that booked the space in newspapers for the agency’s various big-brand clients.

Most brands would buy their advertising a few weeks in advance, but retailers would normally be more last minute to try to react to what their competitors were doing.

A normal Friday morning, 9:02 am, my phone rings:

Client: (panicked) I’ve got today’s newspaper in my hand, and our main competitor has ads in all of them, and their sales promotion is better than ours.

Me: OK, I see. Do you need me to try and get some space in tomorrow’s papers for us to respond?

Client: Tomorrow is too late! I need you to get us into today’s papers!

Me: … 

Client: Hello?

Me: We, erm, can’t buy ads in this morning’s papers.

Client: (now furious) Why not?! This is what we pay you for!

Me: …because they’ve already been, well, printed.

Client: What do you mean?

Me: The newspapers you are holding in your hand right now have already been printed. That’s how you’re able to hold them in your hand. We can’t change something that has already been printed.

Client:

Client: ……

Client: OK, so could you get us some space in tomorrow’s papers?

An oldie, but a goodie. Has a client ever asked you to bend space and time?

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A director of public relations who loves to learn After Effects!

31 October 2020 - 1:30pm

Client: I want an animated logo. It should be 3D, shiny, and rotating.

Me: Okay.

Client: Will you use After Effects?

Me: Yes!

Client: I recently learned about After Effects! It’s so cool that it can add so much to a file!

Me: It’s pretty cool, yeah.

Client:  Perfect! I’ll send you the PNG and you add 3D and motion in After Effects. What will that take, five, ten minutes? 

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Corrections

30 October 2020 - 2:00pm

Me: The directions from HR on the internal web site refers managers to the web team for IT issues like managing the company phone directory and user accounts.

Client: Those are old directions. Now we don’t see those issues as worth fixing.

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Better red than dead

30 October 2020 - 1:00pm

Client: The logo can’t be in red.

Me: Why?

Client: Because the owner doesn’t like red.

Me: But… red is the corporative color.

Client: Yes.

Me: What if we rebrand and change the red?

Client: No, we can’t

Me: Why?

Client: Because is the corporative color, I just told you.

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We like the Background but not the Image

29 October 2020 - 3:00pm

We were designing a COVID-related flyer for a client. In the background, there was a picture of a lady that was getting a temperature test.

Client: We like the background, but we don’t like the image.

To be clear: the image WAS the background. 

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Mum’s the word

29 October 2020 - 2:00pm

My worst client is my mum. She tells me that I have “natural skill” for painting, demanding I take on projects at her at the drop of a hat even though I am working full-time as a designer.

She asked me to do some watercolors for her. I paid for materials, met her to help select reference images, and began painting. 

Client: You’re doing it wrong.

Me: What?

Client: Here, let me do it.

At this point, she physically took the paintbrush from my hand. She butchered the painting, said it was 10 times better, and proudly displayed it for all of 3 weeks until she threw it out because she didn’t like it anymore.

This is in addition to the time that she insisted on keeping a huge abstract piece that I loved and wanted to keep myself. She not only kept the painting against my wishes but painted over a wonderful bright yellow streak that featured in the artwork with cheap gold acrylic paint, to help it “match the living room”. 

I only paint for myself now.

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Application hell

29 October 2020 - 1:00pm

Applying for UX Design jobs.

Client: The ideal candidate will have At least 10 years of experience in Adobe XD.

Adobe XD came out March 14th, 2016.

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Defeat

28 October 2020 - 3:00pm

Client: I’m not getting my emails anymore.

Me: Talk to your web master.

Client: I wanted to get round them.

Me: Why?

Client: It’s my ex wife.

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Karma is a bitch

28 October 2020 - 2:00pm

I work for a real estate developer. We had a client who, when finally decided on a flat to buy, found that the parking spot that they liked had already been bought by another client.

Client: I’m not racist but you sold it to a foreigner rather than to us on purpose so you could sell me  a more expensive parking spot and scoop a bigger commission.

Well, do long as you’re not racist.

 

 

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Disorganization, thy name is client!

28 October 2020 - 1:13pm

I have a client who submits work orders once a month. He groups them and set staggered deadlines for the groups. Cool enough. He attaches next-to-impossible deadlines to them, as in Group 1, deadline is in 12 hours. Group 2, 24 hours. Group 3, 36 hours.

He blows up if the deadline is missed, but the revision request is always 3 weeks AFTER his deadline because it takes him that long to get to them.

Additionally, he loses about 10 percent of the work I turn in every month. To fix that, I started loading EVERYTHING to Dropbox and just shared the folder with him.

5 days AFTER the last deadline-

Client: I didn’t get X, Y, and Z.

Me: They are in Dropbox, as I told you twice. 

I’d previously sent 3 screen shots, folder, content and share popup window showing he had editing access. This also had time & date stamps showing when files were dropped. Also, Dropbox always sends an email announcing a shared folder AS WELL AS notifications the folder was edited/changed.

Client: I never got the link. Can you resend?

Me:

 

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Paper fax

27 October 2020 - 3:00pm

Client: What kind of paper will you printing on?

Me: I can have some samples delivered to you.

Client: Can you fax it to me?

What’s the funniest thing a client has said to you?

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Reverse billing

27 October 2020 - 1:00pm

A client has had me working for them on a job for over a year and a half now and been a nightmare the entire time. I sent them a bill for expanded scope. 

Client: This is not the amount we agreed to! You overcharged us… I am going to be generous, given the hard time you are going through and only request a refund of $901.28, even though the balance is actually much higher. I have sent you a PayPal invoice to pay me back with. Please pay at your earliest convenience.

First time a client has ever asked me to pay them back for work I did.

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Will this do?

26 October 2020 - 3:00pm

I work for a distribution company and one of the many things my job involves is organising custom brochures with logos and contact information for the companies we supply to. 

I emailed someone today: 

Me: Good afternoon, could we please have an up-to-date image of your logo for the latest batch of brochure covers?”

They replied by emailing me a photo of the sign outside their door. At an angle. 

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More work should equal more pay

26 October 2020 - 2:00pm

I used to work as a wedding videographer for a time. A former great client referred me to one of her friends who was getting married.

I met with the bride and she made what she told me was a great offer.

Client: I work at one at one of the convention centers in the NYC. We hold trade shows there and whenever we do one we hire a videographer to shoot it and then edit together a sizzle reel of the show. I’m the person who hires the videographer and we pay them $400 to do each event. I’ll make you a deal. If you take off $1200 from the price of my wedding package, I will hire you for three of these events and you could make up the $1200 from that.

Me: I’m afraid that isn’t really worth it for me. Even if I phoned it in, you are probably looking at well over 2 weeks worth of work to get it done. Why would I agree to do so much more work for the same amount of money?

She became extremely annoyed I would not agree to her offer and didn’t understand why I was turning down such a “great opportunity to get more work”.

I eventually agreed to do her wedding with her paying the entire price herself.

The day of the wedding I was talking to the photographer she hired and he said she tried to pull the same stunt on him.

More work is only a bonus if it also equals more pay. If not, it’s just more work.

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Don’t do the poster

26 October 2020 - 1:00pm

I started offering to do film posters for Indie productions while I was between jobs.  I offered a set price for the design – at a MUCH cheaper rate than normal – with a firm guideline of three revisions before I would start charging more. This was stated in very big and clear letters on my ad, which I posted on several Facebook pages.

Almost straight away I had my first message. I’ve cleaned up the spelling to make it readable.

Client: Do you make posters for free for a little no-budget film?

Me: No, sorry. This is how I make a living, so I can’t afford to do it for free.

Client: Oh okay. How much is it?

Ignoring the fact that it was in the ad…

Me: $500. That gives you 3 revisions after we settle on a final design.

Client: You won’t do a revision for free?

Me: …I’ll do 3 revisions for free. More than that I have to charge as it’s more work. Most people get to their final design by three anyway.

Client: Sorry, what is a revision?

First red flag, but since it was the first enquiry, I decided to keep going. So I explained exactly what I deemed a revision and what that covered.

Client: Oh okay. Can you do those for free man? Like only the revisions?

I went through and explained again what I offered, what was covered with the initial fee and what he would be getting for his money.

Client: Just one is fine, isn’t it?  Nah you’re the expert.

Me: Usually. It’s just there so we make sure that you are completely happy with the final image.

Client: I want it to be like an 80s poster. Like the faces above and around and an object or something to do with the movie. And don’t make it too detailed as you’re doing it for free man.

Me: Sorry if you misunderstood mate, but no, I’m not doing a free poster. Everything I detailed to you is what is included in the $500 deal. Not to mention that I insist on a $250 deposit to secure the job before I do any work. 

Client: Oh okay.

Client: Don’t do the poster hahaha

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Get ready for holiday marketing with 980+Christmas elements for only $12!

25 October 2020 - 3:08pm

Halloween is almost here, which means Christmas ads are about to start. That’s annoying as heck, but it’s a fact of life.

>Might as well get ready with nearly 1000 Christmas elements for $12. 

Look, we’re not endorsing the playing of Christmas songs in November, but chances are at least one client you work with does, and they’re going to want materials put together soon Make a distasteful job easier with over 980 premium holiday elements that will let you put together flyers, posters, and banners quickly. Snowmen, snowflakes, sweaters, presents – there’s no need to re-invent the wheel here. $12 and you can get all your Christmas jobs over with in just minutes so you can get back to enjoying the fullness of the seasons like a reasonable person. 

All the elements in this bundle would typically add up to $154, but this week you can save 92% and get them all for $12 and save yourself a candy-cane flavored headache this fall

> Check out the deal here. 

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