Clients from Hell

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Horror stories from freelancers
Updated: 2 hours 49 min ago

My boss loves Comic Sans

5 January 2020 - 1:00pm

For a week now I have been designing food label templates for the local bakeries. I’ve put in a lot of effort for them to look professional; I made stylish illustrations, used professional fonts like Lobster and Bernier, and, and carefully balanced elements like calorie information with the main selling points. 

Last Friday: 

Client: Get rid of the pics and put it all in Comic Sans.

I lost my faith in humanity that day.

The post My boss loves Comic Sans appeared first on Clients From Hell.

Just enlarge the picture?

4 January 2020 - 2:00pm

Client: Can you enlarge this picture?

Me: The 640×480 one? 

Client: Yeah. I need it enlarged to 18 meters by 6 meters.

 

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Work In Progress

4 January 2020 - 1:00pm

I work for a company that installs custom made desks for manual labor. 

Me: I’m just following up on the installation we made last week at your factory so we can tie things up before your final payment. 

Client: We are still reading through the documentation and validating the installation, please call me later next week.

Weeks pass. I keep calling, they don’t respond. Finally: 

Client: Hello?

Me: Have you finished your evaluation? 

Client: Sorry, but last week we sold everything on the factory floor to someone. You should be able to get your payment from him. 

Me: Uhhh… no. This was not agreed to and is a breach of contract.

Client: Oh no, no, no, no. We still have everything on the factory floor. We were thinking you could come and take it back. We were just showing the new owner what he could do with the space when he moves in. Like a work in progress exhibit.

Me: So you sold the desks to the new owner, but you want us to come pick them up so you don’t have to pay for them?  

Client: YES! You still have time to pick them up, and then the new owner will buy them back from you. He will want them installed at his factory right away.

Me: 

Client: This is good business for both of us. 

Me: Expect a message from our lawyers. 

The post Work In Progress appeared first on Clients From Hell.

User Submitted Post

3 January 2020 - 2:30pm

I recently started a side gig making miniature terrain pieces. The client I was working with has experience doing the same thing but hired me as he didn’t have time to do it himself.

Me: So I’m going to do this part with the guided cutter so its easier to install the decorative pieces.

Client: It’s not necessary to use the guided cutter for everything, just use the handheld piece so it looks more natural.

Me: Okay, but It’s not going to look as nice

I then sent the test piece of the horrible result to get confirmation before moving on. Which he did. So I sent the test piece again with the decorative pieces (showing just how bad it looked).

Client: Perfect. Go ahead and finish them up.

The next day, after I’d already started painting;

Client: These cuts look horrible! which tool did you use for them!?

Me: The handheld cutter, like you asked me to.

Client: Why did you do that?! The cuts aren’t clean at all!

Me: Yes, that’s why I wanted to use the guided cutter.

Client: You should have just used a knife!

The space wasn’t big enough to fit the knife…

And to top the whole thing off. The client was my dad. Who taught me how to do this job.

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Internet is not old!

3 January 2020 - 2:00pm

I use to have a side business with my ex-husband when we were married. We split up years and years ago, and he retained that business. 

Today, I was contacted by a former client. It has been at least 15 years at least since I did work for them. 

Client: You built my website, and I need changes.

Me: I’m sorry, but you will need to contact my ex-husband, he is the sole owner now.

Client: No, I want you do it.

Me: I haven’t worked on websites in over 15 years. I wouldn’t know where to start building one today.

Client: That’s impossible. The internet hasn’t even been around for 15 years! 

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<p>I emailed a client requesting they

2 January 2020 - 2:00pm

I emailed a client requesting they approve a Facebook Ad. After a week I emailed them again.  

Me: Hey I emailed you a week ago requesting you approve a Facebook Ad. You might not have gotten it.

Side note: I know they opened it, I have a mail tracker.

Me: Here’s the link for you to approve. Please let me know. Also, please confirm you’ve received this email. 

Client: YOUR EMAILS ARE COMING THROUGH MY SPAM!

Me: I’m sorry about that.

Again: they saw and opened my emails.

Me: Please green list us and that should fix the issue. Did you see the Ad? What did you think?

Client: (no response, ever)

My mail tracker confirms they opened my last email soon after I sent it.

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<p>First day on-site with a new client.

2 January 2020 - 1:00pm

First day on-site with a new client. At reception the team leader arrived to take me to my desk. She greeted me with a scowl and en route to the desk she stopped because she really needed to tell me something.

Client: We are very religious in this team and we have rules: There’s no cursing or taking the lord’s name in vain.

Me: …

In other words: welcome aboard, sinner!

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<p>Client:  I’m sorry, but the search

1 January 2020 - 2:00pm

Client:  I’m sorry, but the search feature on [our Intranet site] is terrible!! I can’t find anything!

Me: I’m sorry to hear that, can you give me an example of what you’re trying to find?

Client: Well, I’m trying to find the address for my dentist, but when I put his name in nothing comes up!

Me: Erm, the INTRANET site search is for finding documents that we use internally.  I think you are confusing it with a search engine, like Google.

Client: Well, that’s just stupid! What good is a search feature if it doesn’t give me what I’m looking for?

In retrospect, it was a lesson learned.  I renamed our search box to say “Search the Intranet” instead.

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<p>Client: Let’s put all of the

1 January 2020 - 1:00pm

Client: Let’s put all of the sponsors on the home page instead of on a “sponsors” page, so they know they’re important when they see our website.

He wanted those logos to be large, hyperlinked images. At the top of the home page.

He didn’t want any anchor links, either, so the only way to access the other content was by scrolling down manually. 

I want to kill myself.

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How to make movies, freelance style: Wes Anthony of Firehouse Creative

31 December 2019 - 9:20pm
How to make movies, freelance style: Wes Anthony of Firehouse Creative

Making movies is hard. You need to be a combination director, camera person, sound designer, project manager and so much more. To do it successfully, you need to be disciplined with your time and your efforts. 

Wes Anthony of Firehouse Creative has been making film and video projects for a diverse set of clients for years now, and he chatted with host Kyle Carpenter about a recent gig that tested his skills and what it took to make his company a success. Topics include remote work, pricing strategies, client communication and more; this is a treasure trove of an episode with great advice for anybody working in creative fields! 

Today’s links: 

Want to support the show?

Order a custom infographic from Easel.ly! Use this link (https://www.easel.ly/infographicdesign/) for a great price! 

Think you’d be a great fit for the show? Let me know at twitter.com/KCarCFH

Leave us a review on Apple Podcasts or recommend us to a friend. It helps immensely.

The post How to make movies, freelance style: Wes Anthony of Firehouse Creative appeared first on Clients From Hell.

<p>Me: So…. what functionalities will

31 December 2019 - 2:00pm

Me: So…. what functionalities will you be needing on your website?

Client: We don’t really know, but if we were to build an e-commerce site, what technologies would you use?

Me: Well there’s a whole range of stuff you could do, Shopify, Squarespace, you could build it from the ground up, or maybe even use WordPress. It’s really up to what you need.

Client: I don’t think we should be working with you because you proposed technologies before we decided on functionalities.

Me: (flipping table in rage)

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<p>Me: Nothing needs changing? Client:

31 December 2019 - 1:02pm

Me: Nothing needs changing?

Client: No, it’s good. Will it be ready tomorrow?

Me: I can get it finished by then.

Client: Great!

The next day I sent over the file.

Client: Actually we can only have three colors.

Me: …. Okay. I’ll change it.

Client: And I think this could be a different colour.

Me: Okay.

Client: And you need to take the background out.

Me: It’s transparent.

Client: We want to print it on black hoodies.

Me: That will work. It’s transparent.

Client: It’s white there.

Me: If we printed it on black paper that would be black. If you put it on a black background it would be black.

Client: So it will be black?

Me: Yes.

I make the changes and sent over the (correctly-sized) PNG file the next day.

Three months later:

Client: The picture is really blurry and pixelated. You need to fix it.

Me: Re-download it from the email I sent you.

Client: Did you fix it?

Me: Re-download it from the email I sent you.

They didn’t even give me credit.

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<p>I am Finnish. I worked as a

30 December 2019 - 2:00pm

I am Finnish. I worked as a consultant for an American company that wanted to expand its business to Finland. The company is my old employer when I lived in America. They wanted me to organize several online meetings with potential stakeholders in the second week of December.

Client: We’d like the meetings to be in the afternoon of 6th. 

Me: I’m sorry, but that’s not possible. Because of time zone differences, 5 pm there would be midnight here. Also, the 6th is our independence day, so no one would be attending that meeting since it’s a public holiday.

Client: What?! Do you think I’m that stupid? Independence day is the 4th of July, not the 6th of December! 

Me: …

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<p>I do website development and I am

30 December 2019 - 1:00pm

I do website development and I am rebuilding a client’s site that crashed.  There are about 125 images on the site.  Luckily she has all of them stored on her computer. 

Me: Would you mind sending them to me using an online file service?

Client: Sure.

Me: Also, since there are so many it might make sense to zip them up before you send them.

Client: I can do that!

Today when I opened up my email I had 125 emails from the sharing service, giving me access to EACH.  INDIVIDUAL. IMAGE.  ZIPPED.

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Kick off the new year with 197 premium fonts for only $15! 99% off!

29 December 2019 - 2:00pm
Kick off the new year with 197 premium fonts for only $15! 99% off!

This week’s deal is on a massive collection of new fonts to play with – perfect for injecting some variety into your designs in 2020!

> The quality and diversity of these fonts are both very, very high. 

Whether you live and breathe fonts or you just want a few options so you’ve got the right tool for the right job, you’re going to find a lot to like here. 52 premium font families, 197 unique fonts. I’m enamored with the stately elegance of Golden Bird, the warm and inviting script font Just Because, the austerity of Elena and the stylish brutality of Knowhere, but you’re going to find a few new favorites here

Buying every one of these premium fonts separately would normally add up to $1163, but this week you can get them all for $15 at a savings of 99%. That’s chump change for this much variety in your toolkit. Don’t miss it.

> Check out the deal here. 

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User Submitted Post

29 December 2019 - 1:00pm

I work for a small family business in the entertainment industry as an Office Assistant (aka whatever needs doing at the time). Recently I’ve taken up doing updates and writing some content for our WordPress site. 

Client: We’re going to start offering three or four new products and I want to get our new sister website and running. I’ll need pictures and descriptions for all of them.

Me: Got it, I’ll start writing…

Client: Just go on our competitor’s sites and copy-paste the stuff that looks good because you know they’re going to be doing it to us too. 

Me: …Got it.

Needless to say, I’m not actually going to do that. My hard work helping my boss avoid copyright cease and desist will never be appreciated. 

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<p>Client: Can you please export the

28 December 2019 - 2:15pm

Client: Can you please export the whole database into one Excel sheet?

Me: Umm…

This client worked in IT, and had for 25 years for a huge multinational company.

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<p>I work as a graphic designer for a

28 December 2019 - 1:47pm

I work as a graphic designer for a small family-owned sign company. Whenever a client comes in and places an order we usually need a down payment before we can begin working on anything, and therefore before we send any proofs for approval.

Client: Can you please proceed with the banner?

Me: Once you send payment I will begin work!

Client: Are you going to send me the proof before I pay?

Me: I am sorry Ma’am, as per company policy we can’t send any proofs before a payment is made.

Client: I’ve always gotten the proofs before paying. I absolutely need this by Friday. Please don’t hold things up over payment.

She then called my manager, who told me to just send her the proof. I did. This was at noon.

I waited until the end of the day to jump on any changes. She didn’t send them. I went home. The next morning I came to work and we still hadn’t received anything. She also wasn’t answering her phone. 

It’s Friday now, we still haven’t heard from her. I think at this point we can all agree that if it doesn’t get printed on time, it’s on her – not our payment policy.

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owned

27 December 2019 - 2:00pm

Client: We need the control panel for our emails back but THEY won’t give it to us.

Me: Who?

Client: I want to create any mail without asking anyone. We need to take the data from them and put it here.

He pointed to a computer in the office.

Me: We can’t do that, sorry but it doesn’t work like that. Also, I’m not sure who “they” are.

Client: If I own our domain name, then I should be able to make emails with that domain!

 Me You don’t own the domain. You’re licensing it.

Client: So? Who DOES own our domain? Is .Com the owner?

Me: huh?

Client: .Com must be the real owner. I’ll talk to them.

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<p>The following was a “routine call”

27 December 2019 - 1:00pm

The following was a “routine call” for some final slight revisions to a site that was completed and signed off.

The client assured me it would “just take two minutes.”

Client: What color is the logo?

Me: It’s blue.

Client: What is?

The client was looking at the logo on the screen as he asked this.

The call lasted forty minutes.

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