Clients from Hell
This week’s deal is a one-stop shop for every old-timey illustration you could ever need!
Vintage engravings have a timeless look and are an easy thing to add to any logo, branding, or poster. Want to make packaging materials for a line of beard oils? Use a vintage illustration of the key herbal ingredient! Selling romantic gift cards? A medical diagram of the human heart is a springboard to a fun concept. Creating a menu for a vegetarian restaurant? Use line art featuring peppers and leaf lettuce as a semi-transparent backdrop! These illustrations never go out of style, and at only $24 you can afford to be inspired, save time, and make money!
Everything in this bundle sells for $264, but this week you can save $240 and pay only $24. Sell one design with one of these illustrations, and you’ve made your money back! Sell two and you’re laughing.
The post Get iconic with over 1100 vintage engravings for only $24 – 91% off! appeared first on Clients From Hell.
Client: Hey! Have you made any progress on the site?
Client: The site! How’s it going?
Me: I reached out to for more details and you never responded, nor paid my deposit. This is the first I’ve heard from you in six months.
Client: So you haven’t started?
Client: Heads up. We have a new project coming in, and you have six days to finish it.
Me: (solo graphic designer) It? What is it?
Client: Graphic brand refresh for a concept department store for (major private developer). They also want us to have final artwork for signage and environmental graphics ready by then.
Me: …Is this project confirmed?
Client: Almost. We’ll know in about half an hour.
Me: Well then, heads up – you have half an hour to line up a backup designer, because if it really is six days, I’ll quit on the spot.
Client: What’s that font that’s really popular?
Me: Times New Roman is used all over the place, although less so in web design.
Client: No, I know that one, but there’s one that people talk about all the time.
Client: No, no… it starts with a “k” sound…
Me: (dawning horror) …Calibri?
Client: C… C… Comic Sans! What would that look like?
Not a client from hell, just a terrible boss. I swear this happened exactly as I’m describing.
Boss: I know you booked tomorrow off but I need you to come in anyway.
Me: I’m really sorry, but that won’t be possible.
Boss: Come on, I’m sure this thing you’re doing tomorrow can’t be that important -what was it, again?
Me: I’m… attending my grandmother’s funeral?
Boss: Yeah, that was it! You can skip it, right?
Me: No, I’m sorry, I won’t.
Boss: You know, sometimes it really feels like other things are more important to you than working for me. You need to be more careful. I expect work to be your priority in the future.
Me: (goes back to work)
Boss: Oh, and you know what? You should smile more. Anyone would think you’re not happy here! (laughs at own “joke”)
Gee, I wonder why it seems that I don’t like working for you. Could it be that you’re a horrible person?
Sadly, I haven’t had any luck in trying to find a different job.
Client: I didn’t realize you were going to do that.
Me: I said I would in the proposal document.
Client: No you didn’t.
I looked it up – I had, on page three. I showed the client.
Client: I didn’t read that far. If you want someone to see something, make sure it’s on the first page.
Me: Then why did you ask for a five-page proposal?
Client: To make you plan.
I run the website and do marketing for a car dealership.
Client: Did (other manager) talk to you about the specials?
Me: No, what about them?
Client: There aren’t any on the website!
Me: Yeah because you guys haven’t given me any to put up
Client: We just got in trouble at our OEM meeting because we have no specials!
Me: I don’t have the authority to start creating discounts or promotions, you need to tell me what you want.
Client: [clearly trying to find a way to make this my fault but failing]
Client: What the hell! You overcharged me!
Me: I sent an invoice for what we agreed on.
Client: Bulls***. I’m looking at a bill for over four thousand dollars and we agreed on $500.
Me: Yeah, I sent an invoice for $500.
Client: Well then what the hell am I looking at?
Turns out it was his credit card bill.
Client: The site is in color… I didn’t ask for that.
Me: Well, no, but it’s in line with your branding. Is it wrong?
Client: It looks good, but I will NOT pay for the color. If it costs anymore, I want this site in Black and White – and don’t you DARE try to charge me more.
I spent two hours troubleshooting a computer problem with a client only to discover that the problem was a loose connection in the tower. I connected it firmly and it worked well.
Then I gave him the invoice.
Client: Why are you charging for two hours?
Me: That’s how long it took.
Client: No, it took you two hours to FIND the problem. It only took you two minutes to fix it. I should only be paying for that.
A client wanted software developed with a tight budget. They decided to scrap the UX stage and “designed” it themselves to save money. I programmed and adjusted as requested.
Then when the software was tested and found to be confusing and counterintuitive:
Client: Why didn’t you do any UX design?
Client: The site is down! What did you do?
Me: Nothing. It looks like the server isn’t responding. That would be an issue with your hosting service, not the site itself.
Client: I was talking to my friend, and they said the problem might be if you updated a plugin or didn’t update a plugin.
Me: Oh yes.
Client: So did you?
Me: Update or NOT update a plugin?
Client: You did something.
Post-coronavirus, I onboarded a new client. As we wrapped up our zoom call, I could tell he was sort of expecting something.
Me: …Is there anything else?
Client: Do you have anything else to say?
Me: I think I’m covered.
He seemed disappointed.
Me: …Is there something you WANTED me to say?
Client: Well, I know work is hard to come by for most people these days, so I thought maybe you’d want to say “thank you” for the job.
I was hired to run social media for an erotic art publisher, on the premises that I would be provided with a gallery of their artists’ work to promote.
After I signed on, it became evident that they were still building a portfolio and expected me to spend hours a day browsing social media to steal work from other artists and repost with a shitload of hashtags. Also, this company wanted me to post completely raw, borderline pornographic art that was completely uncensored on Instagram. They demanded I schedule 3X posts a day, two weeks in advance, but would ignore my requests to review them and give feedback, and then when they automatically posted would delete them and berate me for giving their brand the wrong image.
After refusing to pay me for a month’s worth of work, they finally gave me a fraction of what they owed me.
Me: I quit.
Client: We don’t work like that!
At that point, they demanded I use the money they’d paid me to hire someone else for them. I did not.
I’m an illustrator known for my distinctive style. While I’m capable of drawing in other ways, I’ve found that it makes sense to work in one style professionally and let people come to me for what I do.
This client couldn’t figure that out.
Client: I love your art so much! I want to hire you for this project!
Client: Can you draw like [other illustrator I’m familiar with] though?
Me: I mean, I can adapt what I do as kind of a hybrid, but if you want that style, why don’t you just hire her?
Client: Well, she charges 20% more than you do.
I politely declined – and then raised my rates by 20%.What’s the last reason you raised your rates?