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Volunteer work party

CUCT News - 13 hours 53 min ago
Volunteer work party CUCT Wed, 23/06/2021 - 00:01

After a very long break due to COVID, we are tentatively making a start with work parties again on Friday, 25th June, with a Himalayan Balsam bashing session near to Bridge 70 at Crumpwood.

We do have some COVID-related restrictions on the activity with the obvious one being that we will need to meet on site, not in Denstone as we cannot allow people to share vehicles unless they have arrived together. As regular volunteers will know, we cannot cope with more than a couple of vehicles on site so we ask attendees to walk from either Denstone or Alton if you are able to.

Meet on site at Bridge 70 at 10am having made your own way on foot. The site is a little over a mile walk down the old railway track from either Denstone or Alton. When you see the new section of towpath next to milepost 23, walk down this to the bridge. Please contact me if you need to bring a vehicle to site. We will need to ensure that access for South Staffs Water vehicles is maintained throughout the day, so may need to turn people back if too many vehicles turn up.

The session will run from 10 - 3, please bring your own lunch and drinks, if staying for the day. You are more than welcome to come for just an hour or two if you want to. Please bring your own gloves if you can. We will not be handing out hi-viz jackets or asking volunteers to sign in on this occasion, though I will be recording emergency contact numbers for everyone as they arrive. Please note that there are no refreshment facilities or toilets on site, as we do not have use of the SSW toilet at the Weir on this occasion.

If you have any questions please phone me, Steve Wood, on 07976 805858 or email steve.wood@waterways.org.uk

We’re paying you less than we agreed because it took an hour to edit

Clients from Hell - 22 June 2021 - 3:00pm

A year ago or so, I had a small PR firm as a client. While there seemed to be alignment in terms of the types of client they served (and who I typically write for), it became very apparent that they were… rather price-sensitive to say the least. This didn’t bode well for the future of the relationship, but I decided to agree to a pilot.

After a couple of frustrating test projects, I decided that I didn’t see a future working together and informed said agency that we’d be wrapping up after this project — unless they were prepared to be less parsimonious about the budget. As I expected, they weren’t.

As a vengeful parting gift, after sending in my closing invoice, the client informed me that they were (unilaterally) deciding to subtract two hours’ work from my monthly invoice. Their rationale?

Client: Usually we approve your pieces instantly, but this one took me an hour or so to edit.

Rather than get paid nothing, I accepted, receiving an insultingly low payment for a difficult job.

Apparently, the client didn’t get the fact that the taste in my mouth was now rather sour. A month or so after this, they got back in touch, asking me if I would like to take on more projects. I didn’t respond. 

The post We’re paying you less than we agreed because it took an hour to edit appeared first on Clients From Hell.

Excuses, excuses.

Clients from Hell - 22 June 2021 - 2:00pm

Client: This program is missing half of the information we need to provide.

Me: I’ve asked you multiple times for that information, and done my best to design around it because you’ve resisted giving it to me for weeks.

Client: That sounds like an excuse to me. 

The post Excuses, excuses. appeared first on Clients From Hell.

Uttoxeter Canal update

CUCT News - 22 June 2021 - 10:17am
Uttoxeter Canal update

Dear all

It's been a while since I have been in touch but as you may have already seen on social media we are tentatively making a start with work parties again this Friday, 25th June, with a Himalayan Balsam bashing session near to Bridge 70  at Crumpwood. We joined an enjoyable evening session on the Caldon at Deep Hayes led by Canal & River Trust last week and are hoping that some of their volunteers will join us for this session as well.

This will be a fairly easy way to get us back into the swing, where we can easily maintain social distancing and not need to use or share tools. It would be great to see as many of you as possible, not least so that we can discuss what sort of activities people are keen and comfortable to do in future months. I'd also appreciate comments on when people would like to do work parties. My own work-related availability means that I can only run them on Monday or Friday for the foreseeable future. Which would suit you best? Conversely, would anyone else like to offer themselves up to lead the group on other days of the week? it would be great if we could get back to doing work parties several times a month, especially as we start to catch up on vegetation management after more than a year away from the site.

We do have some COVID-related restrictions on Friday's activity with the obvious one being that we will need to meet on site, not in Denstone as we cannot allow people to share vehicles unless they have arrived together. As regular volunteers will know, we cannot cope with more than a couple of vehicles on site so we ask attendees to walk from either Denstone or Alton if you are able to.

Meet on site at Bridge 70 at 10am having made your own way on foot. The site is a little over a mile walk down the old railway track from either Denstone or Alton. When you see the new section of towpath next to milepost 23, walk down this to the bridge. Please contact me if you need to bring a vehicle to site. We will need to ensure that access for South Staffs Water vehicles is maintained throughout the day, so may need to turn people back if too many vehicles turn up.

Please bring your own gloves if you can. We will not be handing out hi-viz jackets on this occasion

The session will run from 10 - 3, please bring your own lunch and drinks, if staying for the day. You are more than welcome to come for just an hour or two if you want to. If you have any questions please phone me, Steve Wood, on 07976 805858 or email steve.wood@waterways.org.uk.

Froghall housing

We've had lots of questions about the Froghall planning application, which has been deferred a number of times and has now been pushed back to the July committee meeting. The applicant has recently submitted over 50 pages of new documentation dismissing the viability of restoring the canal and suggesting a number of rather unlikely alternative routes through Froghall. We are still working on our response to this, which will be added to our website in the next few days.

You can of course still respond to the latest documents online or by sending an email to the local authority planning@staffsmoorlands.gov.uk. Scroll down past over 250 objections, to the bottom of the page and look at the documents dated 03/06/2021.

Note there are two applications, the main planning application, SMD/2020/0684 and related listed building consent, SMD/2020/0685, but you can send a single email to comment on both. The key one to respond to is the planning application.

Comments should be in by 29th June, which is a week today, but we would not be surprised if the submission deadline was extended again.

Best regards
Steve

CUCT Tue, 22/06/2021 - 10:17

Since I already paid you (barely anything)

Clients from Hell - 21 June 2021 - 4:00pm

I agreed to design a friend’s album art at a 95% discount. After 6 studies and 8 revisions, I got my minimal fee and all was well. 

One year later…

Client: Hey, my album is about to launch. I was thinking, since I didn’t use your design for my album, maybe you could design me some posters or maybe a tarpaulin since I already paid you. 

A “never work for friends” moment from the Clients From Hell archives!

The post Since I already paid you (barely anything) appeared first on Clients From Hell.

Keep it the same but it needs to look fancy and high-end.

Clients from Hell - 21 June 2021 - 3:00pm

Client: We’d like to completely redo our website and integrate an online store.

Me: Sure, here’s the proposal.

Client: On second thought, we like our existing website the way it is.  Can you just integrate a store.

Me: Sure.  Here’s the revised proposal with a significantly reduced budget.

Client: Looks good, let’s move ahead.

Me: Great!  Store’s ready.

Client: We don’t like it. The website needs to look fancy and high-end.  Could you make it look more like this one?

Me: You specifically requested that I keep your existing website’s design and simply integrate a shop with no customizations. Remember when I slashed the budget in half and removed all of the custom design work from your proposal upon your request?

Client: I’ve seen this before, the challenge of balancing the artistic and the pragmatic. Your job is to deliver a great looking website with class and get reimbursed for your efforts.

Me: There is no challenge! There is no artistry here!  There is no “great looking” website to deliver! You said you like your existing design (which is terrible)! You specifically requested I remove the redesign from the proposal which we spent an hour going over together!

Client: As with every relationship, there is always compromise. It’s your job to come up with compromise without being judgmental or prejudicial.

Me: FML…

The post Keep it the same but it needs to look fancy and high-end. appeared first on Clients From Hell.

Everybody’s working for the weekend… by which we mean Friday night and Saturday night

Clients from Hell - 21 June 2021 - 2:00pm

Client: I know it’s the weekend, so have fun and let me know when you get this tomorrow.

Me: Thank you for respecting my weekend! You said “tomorrow,” though – it’s Friday evening. Did you mean Monday?

Client: Oh, I thought you’d relax Friday night and work Saturday afternoon. 

The post Everybody’s working for the weekend… by which we mean Friday night and Saturday night appeared first on Clients From Hell.

Design with flair FAST with 395 seamless patterns for $8!

Clients from Hell - 20 June 2021 - 4:00pm

This week’s deal is on nearly 400 beautiful patterns and textures for only $8.

> They’re gorgeous, and incredibly useful.

Whether you’re designing products, packaging, or just need a bit of zazz for a background, you’ll use these textures again and again. Ranging from tasteful watercolors to fun designs, one look and your mind will race with possibilities. These textures could be one of the most useful parts of your toolkit, and all 395 are under ten dollars.

Normally, every pattern in this bundle would cost $32, but this week you can save 75% and pay only $8 for the whole shebang

> Check out the deal here!

The post Design with flair FAST with 395 seamless patterns for $8! appeared first on Clients From Hell.

Rotate the coffee

Clients from Hell - 20 June 2021 - 3:00pm

On a recent project, we submitted a press package that included a stock image (JPEG photograph) of a coffee machine facing the camera. They came back at us with this feedback:

Client: We really like everything, just one thing is bugging us : Can you rotate the coffee machine photo so it will be in profile?

A hidden gem from the Clients From Hell archives.

The post Rotate the coffee appeared first on Clients From Hell.

We Have an Understanding

Clients from Hell - 20 June 2021 - 2:00pm

Me: I will be unavailable during the next two weeks because of midterm exams.

Client: Okay, I completely understand.

Midterm exam weeks follow.

Client: I am disappointed in your lack of commitment to this project, I am terminating our contract.

Me:

The post We Have an Understanding appeared first on Clients From Hell.

Round pixels

Clients from Hell - 19 June 2021 - 4:00pm

Client: The image is a bit fuzzy… Can you make the pixels rounder?

A ridiculous request from the Clients From Hell archives!

The post Round pixels appeared first on Clients From Hell.

World-wide

Clients from Hell - 19 June 2021 - 3:00pm

In 1995, our small internet company called on a potential newspaper client, The Tuscaloosa Times.

Me: (Talking with a publishers exec. assistant) Is your newspaper being published on the World-Wide Web?

Client: I’m not sure but if it is, I doubt it’s world-wide.

The post World-wide appeared first on Clients From Hell.

One size fits all

Clients from Hell - 19 June 2021 - 2:00pm

Client: Why is this font a different size?

Me: It’s the title. 

Client: Why is this a different size, then?

Me: That’s a footnote. 

Client: Shouldn’t they be the same size?

Me: No.

Client: Make them the same size. 

Me: 

The post One size fits all appeared first on Clients From Hell.

Content content

Clients from Hell - 18 June 2021 - 4:00pm

The client sent me two word documents with the same content, for me to use on the website.

Me: Both the documents have the same content. Am I missing something?

Client: Use the second document. The font is smaller

A ridiculous request from the Clients From Hell archives!

The post Content content appeared first on Clients From Hell.

Not if you paid me

Clients from Hell - 18 June 2021 - 3:00pm

When I was just starting out as a website developer, I took a government-sponsored business course and met a few contacts through that.

My very first job was for a woman who already had a WordPress website, she just needed it ‘tweaking’ in exchange for a testimonial, which I was happy to do. One of the things she wanted me to change was the main colour of the theme. It was a dark teal, and she wanted dark blue.

I did the changes and let her know I was finished.

Client: I don’t like it. Change it back.

Me: I’m sorry, I seem to have misplaced the original color code. Do you have it available?

At this point she started violently berating me, yelling over the phone and asking how I could be so unprofessional. Chagrined, I apologized and changed the color back to what was very close, if not the same, as the original. I sent her an email to let her know.

That was the last contact I had with her, she never acknowledged the email or gave me a review (probably for the best!), but I was kind of glad not to have to deal with her any more.

Years have passed since then. The other day I received an email from the same woman. It said in its entirety:

Client: can you do me a favor

I didn’t even bother to reply.

The post Not if you paid me appeared first on Clients From Hell.

Dream big, pay little

Clients from Hell - 18 June 2021 - 2:00pm

Client: *spends an entire hour meeting detailing the investors interested in this company, the moving and shaking he’s been doing to “disrupt the sector,” criticizing competitors for missing the mark and messing it up and stating how he’s going to fix everything and emerge the clear leader sooner rather than later and how the marketing campaign I’m going to provide is going to be the cornerstone of that success*

Me: Wow, very exciting. Based on what you’re describing, I think you’ll need a broad range of services. I’m going to suggest a retainer contract at $3,000 per month.

Client: I was thinking more like $500 total. 

The post Dream big, pay little appeared first on Clients From Hell.

VIRAL!

Clients from Hell - 17 June 2021 - 4:00pm

Client: I want this site to go viral! Do what you need to do for it to go viral!

Me: This is an intranet portal intended to be seen by approximately 25 people. Why do you want it to be viral?

Client: …Okay, I actually don’t know what “viral” means. I heard someone at lunch talking about viral sites and thought it sounded cool. 

That’s a pretty big misunderstanding – but we know you’ve encountered worse ones

The post VIRAL! appeared first on Clients From Hell.

Wrong side upside down

Clients from Hell - 17 June 2021 - 3:00pm

A hotel chef asked me to photograph some plates of food. I had a rostrum set-up for photographing the plate of food from above against a white background with no cutlery/crockery – as requested by the chef. Then I sent the prints off to the client.

Two days later, I get the head chef screaming on the phone at me.

Client: These photographs are rubbish!

Me: What’s wrong with them?

Client: You have photographed all the dishes upside down!

Me: Rotate the print by 180 degrees and they will be the right way up.

There was quite the silence before he hung up. 

An upside-down story from the Clients From Hell archives!

The post Wrong side upside down appeared first on Clients From Hell.

RED ALERT! RED ALERT!

Clients from Hell - 17 June 2021 - 2:00pm

Client: Just so you know, I didn’t pay the last programmer because he didn’t deliver to my standards – so if you want full payment, make sure you do a good job.

MeSo you let this other guy do all the work and then didn’t pay him because you didn’t use it?

Client: No, we’re using it – but it’s not up to our standards. We expect better from you.

The post RED ALERT! RED ALERT! appeared first on Clients From Hell.

The very height of sophistication

Clients from Hell - 16 June 2021 - 4:00pm

Me: So do you have any ideas or colors you want to use in the background of your site?

Client: Yes, I’d like a bulldog incorporated.

Me: Okay… Maybe we could do a silhouette? Or –

Client: I’d really just like a bulldog photo tiled over and over again in the background of the site.  You know – to make it look sophisticated.

A skewed notion of sophistication from the Clients From Hell archives

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